Susceptibility to psychotherapy/counselling

Neither of us are susceptible to psychotherapy or counselling.

I first had experience of psychotherapy (cognitive behavioural therapy) at age 14 for imprinted phobias unrelated to socialising, but this was unsuccessful. All of these imprinted phobias gradually diminished in importance in their own time. My mother also arranged ‘hypnotherapy’ for the phobias, which also had no effect.

Late in secondary school (ages 14–15), I had several mentors in classes, due to social difficulties, and I was referred to several psychological groups or services outside school, none of which provided any benefit, as they were full of people I couldn’t relate to (as explained below), which would have been required for this benefit.

At age 19, my mother had me referred to one final instance of psychological therapy that was aimed to address my social situation, which was an abortive failure, as I had long since lost the social mindset by this point.

My friend also had several mentors and psychological meetings in his time in university, none of which had any effect.

At age 19, I stated:

‘Apparently, I’m going to some psychology group session in a few weeks, 3 appointments, have zero clue what it’s going to entail.’ My friend replied, ‘Hahaha, wtf? Ridiculous. Another ridiculous and unhelpful orchestration by your mother.’ I continued, ‘… which started with my pain appointment, but my mother involved psychological problems in the appointment. Yes. I have no idea what to expect.’

My friend continued, ‘Psychology group session: you are fucked. It will be full of outgoing autism impostors and patronising fuckers. The ordeal is going to be terrible.

Literally, do you know what a psychology group session is? It’s one of those things where you sit in a circle, and you have to speak and describe yourself. It’s awful. At least, that’s what I pictured.’ I replied, ‘No, because I asked on the phone about that, and he said that although he’d like us to speak, you don’t have to, and it’s not a therapy session.’

I continued, ‘I have a past experience with mental-health group sessions. I had to attend that group session in 2014, I believe, and it was full of young people I couldn’t relate to. For the majority of all sessions, I was silent until I left. The one thing I took away from the meetings is that everyone had some kind of experience with alcohol or smoking or partying. I couldn’t relate to them whatsoever.’

My friend replied, ‘PRECISELY. It will be a bunch of extroverted people who claim to have mental issues and anxieties.’ I continued, ‘Yes, they would be [extroverted], if they didn’t have the paralysing fear I have that I’m having to go to these meetings. None of these self-anointed [socially anxious people] in real life or on the Internet know what social anxiety is. They haven’t met me.‘

At age 19, I stated:

‘The psychology group was a lot more patronising and useless than I expected. They were telling people things that were so basic, it was beyond me. I felt like I was in [college] all over again but 10x worse.

They asked if people knew the difference between psychiatry and psychology. Thankfully, some idiot actually knew, the only vocal person in the group, might I add. He was making a fool of himself by talking over the psychologists, while practically everyone else, including me, was silent. I expected to be the only one who was silent the whole way through, but I wasn’t, thank goodness.

They gave out two questionnaires, which they said were to help them understand us better, and literally, they were the most useless questions ever. Only a handful were relevant to me and I could actually give useful answers for. Anyway, my anxiety was realised once again after having avoided it for so long. It was realised; I was shown that it’s still there, just as strong. I didn’t dare exit that door again until I knew my father was directly outside. I was constantly scouting, but I could see there were people walking past that I didn’t want anything to do with.

And coming into the waiting room was also absolute shit. I had unwarranted attention drawn to me. My father’s voice was loud when checking me in. He said, “My son’s got an appointment.” I forced myself to do the most natural thing and not look behind at all the people waiting, bearing in mind this was a silent and cramped room. It was not full of distractions. If it were, I would’ve had less of a problem. I hate when rooms full of people I don’t know are silent like that. I wish they were making noise and getting on with their own business, not leaving massive opportunity for attention to be drawn to me.

Then I had to weave in through the cramped knees and sit down somewhere I didn’t really want to sit down. It could’ve been worse, but it wasn’t good. It was fairly near any exits and away from the eyes of people; it was on the side, not the centre, but I still felt rather trapped. Once there, I couldn’t leave for any reason without drawing massive attention. That’s a situation I hate. I sat there completely still, dared not to make much movement, with paper in hand and both thumbs on top.’

My friend replied, ‘Embarrassing. My mum does that. She doesn’t understand my social uncomfortabilities.’ I replied, ‘It’s not like him at all to be loud. It’s my mum who’s loud, exactly. I found it out of character for him. Maybe it was the quietness of the room, and he didn’t realise.’

I continued, ‘I’ve learnt to force myself to act as naturally as possible. I tried it my best when going to sit down in the waiting room. I tried my absolute best not to look at others in the eyes, even though I could see they were looking at me, and I hate not knowing that for sure, but I know I must force myself.

I was just thinking about how fruitful and productive our conversations are, the level at which we speak, and then compared it to how much the psychology group was patronised by the two psychologists, spoken to as if they were 10x worse than [college]. It just makes me wonder how much the 1-on-1 person would be blown away by me or, indeed, how much the group as a whole would be blown away if I did speak up.

Most were probably in the same boat as me, not speaking at all for not wanting to make a fool out of themselves, not trusting anyone else.’ My friend replied, ‘Or they were thinking, “Why the fuck have I been forced here?” Were there any decent looking guys?’ I replied, ‘I do not think any were thinking that, because they were all adults. All looked independent. I was for sure the youngest there. In fact, the only men I could see were definitely all above 30. There was a nanny woman even, looked 70; a 30-year-old woman, I believe; a 40-year-old woman; the 20s-looking autistic girl. Really, nothing looked promising, no one I could relate to.’

My friend replied, ‘How did your parents even conjure up this event?’ I replied, ‘They didn’t; that’s the thing. It’s a series of referrals we were just put in, put on a path. It all started this time round with the pain appointment. My mum made a point of telling the woman all about my mental health and weight too, so the GP referred me to mental health services too.’

My friend stated, ‘The thing is, these systems patronise. … It doesn’t get anywhere. It’s patronising your mental health. They don’t understand. I just hate it how people assume I’m sad, insecure and depressed when they see someone like me and get nasty referrals to something patronising. I had someone come into my room, speaking to me to ascertain my mental health, and I blew them away, but they lump you in with people who can’t control their emotions and are in desperate need of help, [borderline-personality-disorder-]level.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘I was taken out of the school in year 1, because they started to notice [I had autism], and they called in a psychologist. My mum didn’t want me labelled with anything, because she thought it would affect my employment or school career, so she moved me. Same for year 5; was moved again.’

I replied, ‘What were they noticing back in Y1?’ My friend replied, ‘Because they had a psychologist in to monitor me, and my mum knew I had autism at that stage. She knew they’d pick up on it, so she moved me, took me out.’

I replied, ‘Honestly, I now see how silly it is that neither of my parents picked up on anything, given the vast research I’ve done now.’ My friend continued, ‘[My dad] also picked up on it. He saw something about autism when I was 9 or so in a paper, and he was so alarmed at how exactly it described me that he posted it to my mum, in caps, “READ THIS”.’

My friend continued, ‘I believe I also went round a woman’s house when I was 2 years old, and I came in, didn’t say hello, and I ran into her house, and [this woman was talking to my mum]. I’m still not sure of the details of who this woman was to my mum, but she saw me standing in her bathroom, and I was touching all the radiator pipes and following them round the room, and she said to my mum, “He’s behaving exactly like my son, and he has autism.”‘

I replied, ‘I could now diagnose probably a majority of common conditions in my own child, i.e. the group of conditions that, together, carry a majority chance of happening, I could diagnose and know something about, even personality disorders as they grow up.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, takes seconds for me to diagnose autism in children.’

I continued, ‘It’s all a result of our tendency to think things right through, miles through. We think, and then we don’t stop thinking until we reach a huge basket of knowledge, whereas normal people never even consider thinking, like my parents. It never even occurred to them to look up medical conditions when they were expecting a child, to know what to expect.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘Forced exposure has never worked for me. I’ve tried it numerous times: the times my parents made me do “practice walks” in 2012, the times I was forced to walk home from secondary school, the entire time I walked to college and back every day.

The fear never stopped, and I will still never do it if I’m not in the circumstance [necessary for survival].’

At age 20, I stated:

‘The psychotherapist wasn’t as nice as I’d hoped. She seemed too quick to tell me how she thought my thoughts were invalid.’ My friend replied, ‘*rolls eyes*’. I continued, ‘That didn’t get me as angry as this did, though: when I told her what I suspected my mum and myself to have, she instantly responded with some comment claiming that I liked labels. That really agitated me.’

My friend replied, ‘And yet, she’s a psychologist. Fuck. Me. That’s what psychology is, for fuck’s sake, categorising and labelling people based on their neurological composition and upbringing.’ I replied, ‘She didn’t disagree or anything, with my suspicions, but that almost makes it worse, that she still had to come out with that comment.’

I continued, ‘She then asked me about it, what I thought of those labels.’ My friend replied, ‘I would have said I don’t like labels and that I wish I didn’t have to label people, don’t like labels at all, but I’m left no choice, because it is the obvious evidence.’

I replied, ‘It’s the same mentality you encounter all the time coming back to bite me, the anti-diagnosing mentality, even from a fucking psychotherapist. It’s inherent to the emotional mindset. You can’t get away from it, no matter your profession.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes. It’s offensive that those mindset people are even taking up those roles. It means they’ve taken it up for an emotional reason for care towards other people rather than a scientific reason.’

I replied, ‘Yes, and you know what’s funny? It’s funny that it was the diagnosticians at hospital [in 2013] who were the nicest ones, while it was the therapists who were the meanest.’ My friend replied, ‘Ironic.’ I replied, ‘Exactly. They couldn’t have been nicer.’

My friend continued, ‘The people with the blind-care and empathy mindset who intend to be nice and kind actually make it worse for us. They don’t know what they’re doing. They make it better for all the people with emotional disorders but not for us.’

I continued, ‘I listened back, and I realised she didn’t know to take my word for it. People don’t know to take my word for things. They don’t know when I am right. They’re not used to just assuming that.’ My friend replied, ‘They assume its an opinion, because they’ve only ever seen the level other people give, so they assume it is on that level.’

I continued, ‘I didn’t give enough justification for why I met the criteria for [schizoid personality disorder], but I didn’t need to, because I said I meet the criteria. She was probably expecting me to list them or something, and I didn’t know every single one off by heart at the time, but it’s up to her to look them up. It’s easy. She just needs to know I meet them.

It should be what helps her aid herself in understanding me. It shouldn’t be a hindrance, but she made it into one. That’s what people do. I say these things to be helpful, to give people an insight, but they just assume I’m wrong.’

My friend replied, ‘They don’t understand what level you are on. They have only seen people on the lower layer who have arbitrary opinions. They can only see the lower layer, so in their minds, you are ranked on an arbitrary scale that exists on the lower layer.‘

I replied, ‘Yes. They automatically have a bad impression of me. Bad impressions follow me everywhere. People having bad impressions of me follows me absolutely everywhere. Yes, I hardly knew how to respond in the moment. She wasn’t to know.’

My friend replied, ‘Well, the fact you are there suggests you don’t know. I think that’s also part of it, the fact you have seemingly agreed to going to a place where people who are confused get help.’ I replied, ‘I understand that, yes, with questionnaire questions about alcohol and feeling worthless. I hate that place.’

My friend continued, ‘You going there means you expect it to work or be helpful, and you expect to cooperate. You wouldn’t go there to put a psychologist in their place. “Treat”: it’s an insult, lol.’ I replied, ‘Hahaha, treat in their eyes.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes, that’s the issue. That’s why it’s pointless going there, really. I let my mum do it, and there was quite a vigorous discussion, and they said I wasn’t suitable or able to be helped. That’s why we never went back. They said I don’t need it.’

I replied, ‘Well, this woman almost said that. She definitely got the gist that I didn’t want to go out or make friends, but that should’ve screamed to her schizoid, if she knew anything about personality-disorder diagnoses. She once asked me to clarify why I can’t interact with people well, and I responded by telling her I’m sure she’s aware of the symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome.’ My friend replied, ‘Lol. It’s a cringy and pointless exercise.’

I continued, ‘If anything, people like her not taking me seriously is more proof of how different I am from everyone else and how justified I am in being suspicious of and not wanting to associate with them, because it proves she’s never been around or known anyone like me and didn’t know to assume I knew what I was talking about despite being a psychotherapist who sees hundreds of mentally ill, let alone normal, people.’

My friend replied, ‘Because everyone that she’s met doesn’t know what they’re talking about and comes out with emotions, old wives’ tales, doesn’t research, doesn’t have an inquisitive mindset, doesn’t specialise in any area and needs to take courses to know what they’re talking about or needs to have qualifications.’

I replied, ‘Yes, so it’s proof that I’m alone. Well, she came out with less knowledge about what she was talking about than me. They’re also too old, these health workers. They’re always middle age+ ladies. The diagnosticians [in 2013] were considerably younger, 30s to 40s; well, more like 30s. This woman was at least 60, and the other psychotherapists I’ve had were always 50+. The old wives’ tales are even stronger, because they are literally old wives. I even avoided mentioning Instagram for her sake and just said social media. That’s too much work for me. I shouldn’t have to do that in “therapy”.

This woman: she herself confirmed one of the traits of schizoid. She asked at the end if I trust her, and I said I can’t say yet, and then she said, “Thank you for being honest.” “Talk therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may not be effective, because people with SPD may have hard time forming a good working relationship with a therapist.”^[1] People need to just google. They never do, the simplest of shit.‘

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘Psychologist woman and man said I “don’t need to be in the mental health system.” My mum instigated this appointment. I had no idea about it.’

My friend later stated, ‘Psychologist said I was beyond help. Lol, it’s true. I’m so far above the mental health system.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘I’m surprised you let so many of them know your views. I don’t have it in me to waste my breath on them.’ My friend replied, ‘Because I have to go the [university-psychologist] session. I don’t actively arrange anything, but I don’t care who knows my views. Besides, she’s never disagreed. She did say that I’m the most extreme student she’s met in the health system of the university.’ I replied, ‘She considers that “extreme”, god. I’d consider you right up my street and a regular drunkard partier “extreme”.’

I continued, ‘Yes, it’s not like it’s taking anything out of you, especially if you’re forced. Same reason I went along to this group. I wasn’t losing anything, really, only having myself proven right. People always tell me to try things because I don’t know unless I try, but 99% of the time, I end up proving myself right if I do try.‘

My friend replied, ‘I’ve had that about my mum trying to get me to go along to something, and she uses the argument that I might like it, and then she uses the argument that I’ve liked something in the past or turned out to like it.’

I replied, ‘Yes. It’s idiocy. The whole reason you don’t do it is because you know you won’t like it.’ My friend replied, ‘My mum has always struggled to get me to do anything. Most of the time, I say no.’ I replied, ‘Everyone’s struggled to get me to do things, everyone.‘

My friend continued, ‘And as a child, when there was an announcement we were going on holiday, I used to scowl or say no. I remember my mum saying, “Other children would be this and that”, “jumping up and down”.’ I replied, ‘What the fuck? Who cares?’

My friend replied, ‘It’s only my nan who uses that argument now, about what other people my age are doing, but I don’t know how she can use that as an argument when she’s then accused me of copying what you are doing.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘A lot of it has to do with simply how social someone is or how much they see other people in a good light. That alone has literally stopped me from relating to people for the most part. Because of how much I don’t trust people, I see anyone who does trust people as untrustworthy themselves, unable to see the reality.

It’s funny how it’s taking me and me alone to crack this and how every psychologist or guardian figure in the past has told me absolute rubbish, unhelpful crap.

I wonder how they have a job, but then I don’t wonder, because I know, but really, they’re shit at “treating” people like me. They can’t relate to this thinking, and that alone makes them act unhelpfully towards it. “Well, everyone’s an individual“, “Well, how about you try this social group?”‘

The girl in our group chat replied, ‘And you know it will never work.’ I replied, ‘Well, it’s because they don’t address the root issue. They can’t, because it doesn’t exist for them.‘

I continued, ‘You’d think that me right now putting it into words people can understand would make them understand, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t get through. Hardly anything I say gets through to these people.‘

At age 19, my friend stated, ‘This is why no psychologist can help me, because I do what I want. It is never constrained to the disorders they deal with. I am above the disorder. They are there to help people who are below the disorder.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘You are beyond help, like I am. No psychologist will be of use to you, because you will not be changed by it. The psychologist doesn’t know what they’re doing, anyway. They need my help. I don’t know about me needing theirs.’

I replied, ‘LOL.’ My friend replied, ‘They do, though.’ I continued, ‘I know, it’s true, but it’s the way it shits in the face of what everyone expects from a psychiatrist.’ My friend replied, ‘An ex-member of Girls Aloud is now a psychologist.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘She has anxiety and depression. … Anxiety and depression, every time. It’s a wonder these psychologists diagnose it without noticing a pattern. It’s the same pair every time. This is the hundredth time I’ve seen it now.’

I replied, ‘Hahaha, it’s funny you say that; I found some girl complaining about girls publicising on Instagram that they have anxiety and depression.’

My friend replied, ‘I asked [a girl my friend knew] what she’s been diagnosed with: anxiety and depression.’ I replied, ‘Hahaha, it’s so general and catch-all. They don’t even know what they’re diagnosed with. Anxiety isn’t a diagnosis; there’s generalised anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder.’

My friend replied, ‘It’s ironic, because they are hardly anxious compared to you, because they’re out screaming at festivals.’ I replied, ‘Hahaha, exactly, exactly that. I can picture her scrawled up face screaming from an arena. I can picture it so clearly and then her complaining about her anxiety.’

My friend replied, ‘What is wrong with these psychologists? It’s so much more fitting to just assign them a category, so much more accurate.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘You know, it’s funny that females are seen as being all good with care and empathy and take up caring and empathic job roles like childcare and nurses, yet their “care” and “empathy” always seems to have the exact opposite effect on me.

It’s funny how they are good at “caring” and “listening” for other people but not me. It boils down to that fact that my relationships with everyone are always based on practicality and respect. When I get that treatment, I find it extremely unhelpful and annoying.

I don’t gain any more from someone saying something like “It’ll be okay. You can push through” than someone saying “If you do this and this, it will lead you to this solution.” It just causes me more annoyance, because they never convince me that what they’re saying is true or realistic.

When people talk to me in aphorisms and old wives’ tales, even just that psychiatrist saying “Everyone’s an individual”, they miss any stepping stone to progress. They fall at the first hurdle.

I therefore have to conclude that other people can gain benefit from this kind of treatment, purely down to social thinking and empathic thinking and probably trust in authority thrown in there too.

They probably have more than a practical connection to non–romantic partners or even non–family members. They are able to get benefit from emotional words with little practical meaning said by such people, including strangers, because of that emotional mental link.

It’s the exact same reason people can get on board with “quotes”, “inspirational quotes”, and I never could, not over my dead body. I’d immediately question it on an empirical and practical basis.

Most of these quotes are just assumptions, anyway, assuming rules about people and life, which form the basis of the quote’s meaning, even if the rule is not true much or most of the time.

And to think people would call me “pessimistic” or “cynical” or whatever buzzword they can think of just because I don’t have the emotional, impractical mental link they have with other people. I get “not accepting of help” all the time, just because I don’t have that emotional attitude.

Like I said to you about those xHCI-forum respondents, they help for the sake of looking helpful. They buy into that emotional trap, and it works for most people. They think, “Oh, how nice he is for offering to help”, even when the actual help itself is utter garbage. It makes it void.‘

My friend replied, ‘It’s a joke that they are a psychiatrist. It’s not a funny one. The only rules are ones they can’t see. They’re just nothing words that mean nothing on the meta-level.‘ I replied, ‘I know, but I have to conclude that it’s because it works for other people and that that is because of their fundamental emotional link that they have that I don’t.’

I continued, ‘It’s the same reason I don’t believe any of the psychotherapies I received worked on me. I’m also very unlikely to give in to taking any sort of chemical medication, because I don’t want to be out of my mind.

I don’t want my reasoning to be set on edge. I might do things that endanger me or others, when meanwhile, I’m currently doing what’s best for me. Psychoactive medication would be a very dangerous way to deal with those issues.’

My friend replied, ‘Obviously. Why would you ever want any of that?’ I continued, ‘And you see that, how I realise that, and then you get other people who get fucking addicted to psychoactive medication.’

I continued, ‘It’s why it’s totally beyond me. Here’s me saying it would be a very dangerous way, and there’s them getting addicted to it, and here, I’m only talking about medically prescribed medication.

Then you get the even more despicable examples where it’s not medically prescribed, and they go out actively in search for it to “deal with their issues”, often not even being 100% sure of what’s in whatever it is they got from their dealer. …

If I am to put myself out there and meet people, it cannot be in the general public space. It has to be in these closed communities, because I’m obviously not only more likely to find someone like me but, most importantly, extremely unlikely to be harmed by people in that space. The same cannot be said for walking in public anywhere, where I’m faced with the majority of people, or practically any public space.

There’s no vetting criteria: café, concert, cinema, etc. All manner of parameters matter. I pay close attention to the type of people who would attend anywhere I go. Regular people don’t. They just see venue and purpose: want to have a drink: café or pub; want to watch a film: cinema; want to see a band: concert.

They don’t consider anything else [because they relate to and trust everyone]. They don’t consider the details or the practicalities. … It could be considered a shame that my thinking has come to lead me to have my anxiety, but it is the right position to be in given my situation, so there’s nothing wrong with the thinking. It’s external factors.

I consider everything. I know how to consider everything, and that’s the thing; they don’t know how to think. They don’t know how to think about these things. I’ve no idea how they don’t see it, how they’re oblivious to the class of people they readily surround themselves with and interact with.

Those types of people have helped ruin my life. I can laugh at things when I’m not negatively affected by them on a personal level. I don’t laugh at stupidity. I don’t find it funny, because it’s ruined my life. I wish it didn’t exist. I wish people were reasonable.

When I think of stupidity, I think of all the various ways it’s negatively affected me in a major way. Other people are able to laugh about stupidity, because they themselves are stupid, so it doesn’t affect them. They enjoy it. They see it as a cultural commonality to share and rejoice in, hence the memes celebrating stupidity that you sent.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘You don’t need help. It’s the whole world that needs help. That’s the issue. You don’t need help, because you are right. It’s everyone else who has a deficiency.

This is why the psychologist said I don’t need to be in the mental health system, because I wasn’t at risk. They said I was too aware. That’s why they said I didn’t need to be in the mental health system, because I didn’t need help. I wasn’t confused or delusional or at risk of self-harm. I was on the level of the psychologists.

I can see why [your mother] thinks you are wrong. I can see why anyone would think that, when I say that about people, but the sad thing is, it is reality. These are all facts about people that only we can see.’

I replied, ‘That’s what I was intending to but forgot to tell her. It’s not that I need help to change the way I think; it’s that this is really how people are.

The things I know about people are real, real hard facts and real things that happened to me. It would be stupid not to learn from experience. It would be stupid not to use experience as a stepping stone to build and plan your next actions.

That’s called not having a frontal lobe. That’s called impulsivity, which my mum has, as part of her histrionic personality disorder, and what leads people to abuse substances and die early from misadventure.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes. I need to collect the evidence and publish it.’

My friend continued, ‘I just think the reality is people like us end up in prison or dead, because we aren’t meant to be here, probably, a mutation in our neurology. “But he has been in his bedroom for months now.” Hahaha, “muscle atrophy and lack of exposure to the sun“. Hahaha, “He’s in the darkness.”‘

The barrier she is talking about won’t be broken. It can be for the people [with the social mindset], because the fact is, they have a different anxiety.

You hear about them coming out of their shell, all that shit, and the fact is, it is totally impossible when you know what we do about people. The activities those people are doing to come out of their shell aren’t worth my time. They’re social activities with no reward, when I have better things to be doing that give me much more excitement.’ I replied, ‘Yes. It’s a totally different type of anxiety [the same one of other animals], and she’ll never get that.’

My friend replied, ‘I don’t think your mum can understand someone being happy without socialising or having human interaction.’ I replied, ‘I don’t think it’s that, even. She wouldn’t care if I didn’t have friends but still spoke to her. In the end, it’s all about her. It’s classic HPD [histrionic personality disorder].’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, it is. It’s all about putting her at ease, putting her emotions about you at ease.‘

My friend continued, ‘Hahaha, my mum said that about her knees, about her feet, her back. There’s always a medical condition going on that she plays up and does theatrical pain expressions about, and then she uses it to exploit, to get time off work or free money.

My mum basically will do anything for sympathy or discounts. HPD women use their medical conditions in arguments for sympathy or financial gain. Other people don’t. I compare it to my nan and grandad and their conditions; they weren’t used in arguments.’ I replied, ‘Yes, of course. It’s an attention-seeking and narcissistic personality disorder.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘I’m sick of people not being able to diagnose, but instead, they need a therapist to tell them, just like they need courses to teach them. Imagine being that uninquisitive.

I never understood the therapist bullshit. It’s just not funny anymore. Why would someone hate their behaviour and decisions? Change it then. I’d only hate my decision if it turned out to fail, but they hate it because it’s perceived as creepy in society, this nonsense fluff, essentially, where anything is creepy.

They have a lack of inquisitiveness, lack of pattern-spotting, and on top of that, they’re blinded by emotion and the social layer. They need “courses” because they lack the ability to look for the information themselves, but also, they need human interaction. The most trusted source for them is from another human.‘

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘When you said that our autism is a rare form that psychologists never get to deal with, remember how that woman who works with autistic students said she’s never met someone like me?’ I replied, ‘Exactly.’

My friend continued, ‘Out of all the students she’s had to deal with, only 1 or 2 came close on the germophobia side, but she said I was the most extreme and thought-out.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘They don’t know how to handle people like us. They don’t realise that we should be out of those [school] situations as soon as possible, not forced to integrate.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, leave immediately.’

I continued, ‘Forceful integration is one of the biggest scourges on earth that I ever have to deal with. People think it’s the answer to everything. They think it will solve everything. They never know when it’s the exact wrong thing to do.’ My friend replied, ‘I don’t want to integrate.’

I later stated, ‘It’s no one’s business how I decide the course of my life to take when no one else is harmed. If I want to rot, let me. Of course, it’s more so that I can’t stand everything other than rotting.

It stops being about protecting against harm and starts being purely about changing the person in question under the assumption that they would appreciate that.

This is the thing: they only consider someone mentally well if they’re contributing to the greater society. If they’re not, they’re a scourge and must be “treated”. They only care when someone is benefiting greater society.

No one is allowed to live alone and mind their own business. If someone wants to rot, they’re not allowed; they must be “treated” and returned to a state where they’re actively participating in society, no matter what that does to them or how it changes them and their fundamental identity and who they are, nor, of course, the mere fact that such treatments would never work on us and in fact make us more at risk of harm, which would not be blamed on the treatments, of course.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘The more I see it, the more it becomes clear that BPD [borderline personality disorder] is genetic and not a result of abusive households. The abusive households are abusive households because the BPD is genetic. It runs in families and causes the same problems in each generation.

You just have to think: what would starting a family with someone with BPD be like? It would be chaos. They’d probably leave due to thinking you hate them.

Also, women with BPD often get with any old guy, no matter how much of a dick he might be, because they just want a bond, so they’ll start a family with an abuser, and the kids will grow up with that, but more importantly, the daughters will have their mum’s BPD genes and physiology passed on to them, and the circumstances will simulate the violent household being the cause of their BPD when, in actuality, it was genetic all along.

They have whole brain-structure differences, for crying out loud, just like how autists do. That does not just come from upbringing. It’s as genetic as schizophrenia and autism. A lot of things are shrouded by an “environmental” cause but end up being entirely genetic.

In fact, I’ve found almost everything is genetic. It’s astonishing. That’s what I’ve found. Allergies, mental conditions, substance abuse, migraines, every common condition ever, basically, comes down to a genetic cause; dysfunctional families, criminality.

When they say something is caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, what they really mean to say is that the reason it’s even permitted to exist is the genetic factors, and the environmental factors shape the presentation or serve as the trigger or aggravating factor. You don’t get the same conditions just caused by environmental factors. They are caused by the genetics.’

I later stated, ‘Assume genetics unless proven otherwise. That’s what I’ve learnt, basically.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘Bipolar should be renamed. It’s fooling a lot of people into thinking it’s mood swings. Turns out my comment on that [YouTube] video [about the distinction between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (BPD) and the causes and duration of BPD mood swings] is actually top comment and has replies from women with BPD harmonising with what I’m saying.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes. It shows that we speak fact, and nobody really knows how we come out with it. It comes to their surprise. It’s only a matter of time that it will crop up, because these things are actually happening, waiting to be discovered. It’s possible for someone to spot that pattern, it totally is. It exists and is able to be spotted, so I’m never going to be proven wrong.

And it’s like what you said in the YouTube comment section: they don’t know why or how you know, because what you have discovered isn’t documented anywhere in the exact details, and nobody else preaches it, but this is the truth. Nobody else could convey it, but as soon as they see it, it turns out to be right.’

I replied, ‘Yes. [The girl I was speaking to in the previous block] is [bisexual].’ My friend replied, ‘Exactly. Now ask yourself why, in the past 5 years, girls with BPD with all the classic traits have all taken to social media and put “bi” in their bio in the same format. How does that happen?’

[The answer is the hypoplastic and spontaneously firing amygdala described in Spontaneous-threat-perception pathologies (responsible for the BPD) and the sex-indiscriminate sexual behaviour associated with underdevelopment of the medial temporal lobe, the centre of sexual imprinting from the amygdala, described in association with Kluver–Bucy syndrome under Taboos (responsible for the bisexuality).]

I replied, ‘Yes. Doing it publicly is only one side of the story. [This girl] didn’t even put it public, but it was still true, so public bi is double evidence, but bi alone is evidence. Of course, it makes sense to announce it publicly, because you’d want to attract the girls as well up front. You’d want to attract as many people as possible and give the the notice that you are indeed are available for those of the same sex.’

My friend replied, ‘I look at a girl and think “BPD”, and then I see bi on their profile, and then I see a reptile or animal bones.’ I replied, ‘Yes, happens after rather than before. The compounding features just pile on afterwards.’

My friend replied, ‘It’s impossible to be wrong. You’d immediately be able to become a psychologist, but you’d probably upset the patients. You wouldn’t offer emotional support, just facts.‘ I replied, ‘Yes. I’d be fucking terrible at that in person. Even then, I can only just manage that over the Internet.’

My friend continued, ‘Why do people who are afraid of diagnoses willingly go to a place where they diagnose people and then be upset when they get diagnosed? I haven’t got time to build up that relationship with [the people I would diagnose]. I’d have to spend a considerable amount of time with them in order for them to trust me.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘It’s more of this idea of forced integration, forcible integration into society, thinking that’s a good idea when it’s totally not for people like us. I shouldn’t be made to take more risks that lead me to integrate more in society, because it leads to disaster, like how I felt in secondary school. I need an isolated, self-sufficient life somehow.’

My friend replied, ‘Medication wouldn’t dumb you down to the extent that you suddenly forget all the issues or suddenly become sociable; you would still be you but with headaches and memory loss. That’s what would result. It would just introduce more physiological problems.

They can’t compute you valuing yourself that much or valuing your mental faculty, because they’re part of a culture where it isn’t valued, where they want to drink alcohol and laud being stupid.’

I replied, ‘Exactly. It does the exact opposite of that, hampers your threat detection, when my threat detection is backed by mountains of evidence as regards a person like me specifically – not the average Joe, who might benefit from being more disinhibited – me, who is at far greater risk of harm.’

At age 20, I stated in a voice message:

‘I realise that what I’m speaking about now seems all very apocalyptic and like I have no choice but a bad destiny, but you get this talk from other people, from society, that it doesn’t have to be that way.

You always get this talk about how it’s going to be okay, or it’s going to get better, and sometimes I picture myself thinking that way, or I picture myself just attempting to get on with society or do these things,

and obviously, as my experience has proven to be the case, every time I have done that, it’s had a negative effect on me. It’s gone wrong. It’s either resulted in a whole load of arguments or my own discomfort and no positive gain out of it.

Even this is funny; even this is ridiculous, going to that Asperger syndrome group meeting, even when people congratulated me, and you know, they tried to portray it as this really positive thing, like “You’ve gone to this meeting. It’s such a big step. You’re able to do something as big as this. It’s so amazing, etc.”, but that’s only the social side of it. The actual practical implications are really not that much at all, you know.

When I went to this meeting, really, there was no benefit. It was only a negative. All I learnt was exactly what I expected. All I learnt was that I was proven right once again about myself. There was really no positive about it whatsoever.

I had the same anxiety going there, same anxiety about the local area. Everything was expected. I expected there to be no one of my age, and there wasn’t; I expected it to be run by some hag who had emotional problems, and that was the case; I expected to be guilt-tripped about it, and that happened,

you know, with the woman who tried to say “Oh, well the person who runs it, she really knows and understands autism. She’s worked in the field for so long. Blah blah blah” Shut the fuck up, because you don’t know the actual struggle.

You don’t know what it’s like to be dealing, as someone like this, with someone that overbearing and that emotional. It’s hell. It doesn’t work with people like us.

You can say what you like about how positive and how experienced and how good she is at what she does and how good of an effect it has on people. It doesn’t have a good effect on me.

So basically, I was proven right about that, but the point of what I’m trying to say is, I can imagine attempting to meld into society, or I can imagine attempting to accept people’s offers of support, so-called “support” that they call it, or I can imagine just trying to get into a regular job role or meeting with employment specialists,

and what I imagined was, you know these people who commit major crimes, and the whole of society’s impression of them changes: you get these stories of how they showed up at regular societal roles before.

You read the Wikipedia articles, and you see how they performed in college or university or this job role or that job role, and you see the comments that get made about them, how they were “isolated”, or they “didn’t speak to people”, or they had this “monotone voice”, or they “seemed depressed” or “seemed upset”.

You get all this stuff, basically, and you just have to imagine what it would be like if they had never committed their crime. That stuff that would never get written about them would still be there.

And it just makes me think: all the times that I’ve shown up at these places where they supposedly said I was being supported or that it was an “achievement” or such a good thing for me because I’m integrating into society and “making big steps”, etc. etc.,

and all the times that it had the same effect, the same outcome that I already knew was going to happen, the same lack of benefit that I knew it was going to provide, the same way I behaved, the same monotony and lack of emotional expression, lack of interaction:

all of that stuff you can imagine being the exact same but only coming to light if I actually ended up dead or in prison. Only then would it actually get reported on how badly I actually performed in those scenarios.

But it proves that it’s all relative, and it proves that it’s all emotional, because it proves that they only assess it emotionally, because if I am attempting to accept the “support”, and I am attempting to cooperate and get on and go into these societal roles and being seen to attempt that, even if I know it’s not actually doing anything good for me,

if I end up having some kind of job, they will take credit for that. They will think that me going into these things or doing what they asked, “accepting”, in quotes, their, in quotes, “support”, was the reason why I ended up well, but at the same time, nothing would’ve changed for me.

But if I did end up bad; if I did end up dead, none of that would have come to light, because they wouldn’t be able to take credit. They wouldn’t be able to claim all of those achievements for themselves.

It would only be assessed negatively. It would be assessed as though it failed me. All these things that I tried, all these meetings that I went to, all these job interviews or whatever it might be, education, whatever, will all be assessed as having failed me purely because of that, when in reality, what is the reality?

The reality is that it’s no different. The reality is me; the reality is my experience going there, whether or not it’s written about in a positive light or a negative light, seen in a positive light or a negative light, seen by my family as “This is what led you to get a job” vs. not being seen as anything because it led me to be dead or in prison.

It would all have been the same. Nothing would’ve been different for me, so it’s proof that these people who go on about me “not accepting support” are in the wrong, and I’m the only actual one who’s in the right, because I’m the only one who knows myself.

That’s what I pictured; I pictured these criminal figures, imagining if they had never committed their crime, and all of those experiences that get written about when they’re in school or in a job role and how oddly they behaved:

you can imagine none of it ever being written or none of it ever coming to light, purely because they didn’t commit a crime, but it doesn’t mean that it would’ve been any different. How they behaved in those job roles or how they behaved in their education would’ve been exactly the same.

Everything they do, their entire life right back to birth, gets interpreted in a different light purely because they did that crime. It changes how they interpret parts of their life, whether or not they would’ve done the crime.

Suddenly, all the attention comes on them and how they’re seen as this creep, how isolated they were in school, etc. etc., when for them, really nothing’s any different. For them, it’s just another part of their life.

If they had never committed that crime, the mentality would’ve been the same, but they would’ve been written about and remembered differently. If they die, their obituaries would be praising them, like what you sent me that time about imagining being remembered as that terror attack victim. Everything would’ve been different, but the person would’ve been the same.

It’s wrong to judge things like that. It’s wrong to judge things based on the emotion that one single incident causes based on the social norms of how it’s seen socially. It changes how they see the entire person’s life, when really, things are no different.

No social assumptions can be made about it from parents or whoever that aren’t wrong, because they’re going to be based on how I end up, even if the actual experiences before me ending up one way or another were the same. They’re the fucking same, you know.

It’s the same, my experience in secondary school; it’s the same, my experience in college and how I didn’t talk to anyone, whether or not I get a job or end up dead.

So all these people talking about “support” and whether I accept or don’t accept support: I might end up good, regardless of whether I accept or don’t accept support, or I might end up bad, regardless of whether I accept or don’t accept it,

but their assessment of their own support is going to change based on that, whereas my own assessment of me being the person who fucking experiences and receives it is going to be the same.

So it proves that they’re in the wrong. It proves that their assessments are always going to be wrong, and only mine are going to be right.

It proves that when I am accused of declining support, it really means nothing. It doesn’t mean that I’m making myself worse; it means that I have the same probability of ending up in a job or ending up dead vs. if I did accept the support.

But I know, obviously, from my own experience, that it’s worse when I try and fit in or try and go along with their proposals to integrate into society or meet people. It always goes more wrong for me.

I mean, that should be in itself the biggest proof that I know what’s best for me, when I’ve assessed it all from an outside perspective, that I know that holding off that interaction with other people is the best thing for me.

It proves that I should be in the right to know that, and other people shouldn’t be trying to force me to change that standpoint. The likelihood, having said all that and knowing all that, if they do try and force me into situations is that I’d be more at risk of harm, not least because more people will know about me and my weird self.

This is the only natural, best course of action to take, and anything that deviates from that is not going to be better, and for them to guilt-trip you, all the guilt-tripping, all the assuming and criticising me; considering that what they’re doing is so-called “support” and considering that I’m, in quotes, “rejecting” all of that, it’s only shown itself to be a negative.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘Tomorrow will probably be the last psychologist appointment. I’m at my wits end. I can’t take the guilt-tripping anymore.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘They’d talk about someone like us merely being on the wrong path or misguided or needing help. They’d wonder when they last saw a psychologist or why the parents allowed it or “what were the parents doing”.

It’s always about the parents and psychologists. They just can’t compute someone like us being above psychologists or having the mental faculty to not require a psychologist, having that level of self-awareness.

They can’t compute someone like us being able to acquire that knowledge on our own without the assistance of another human or a “course” or “professor” or qualification. It’s exactly the same reason why they can only compute asking another human rather than searching in Google.’

I replied, ‘Yes. It’s appealing to the human first before the knowledge, to the human before the facts. They need that emotional presence in the human. They can’t bear just raw facts, raw information.‘

My friend continued, ‘They can only see [asking another human] as possible, so that mindset is the same one that assumes we’re misguided and that a psychologist knows better, the mindset that wonders what the parents were doing or where the psychologist was.

They can’t compute someone like us knowing more than someone in a position of authority, but even if we were in a position of authority, they wouldn’t be able to compute.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘It’s the fact we are in the position to totally revolutionise those [diagnostic] manuals. We actually know the truth, and psychologists do not. They’re clutching at straws, basically.

They’ve half-identified something, but they are blinded by the social mindset and aren’t in our position.’

At age 20, in response to a YouTube video, my friend stated:

‘It’s a shame the psychologist can’t just come out with [the fact that the person they are assessing has borderline personality disorder]. It’s the fact that would be met with disgust and shock, when you’re just stating medical facts. The psychiatrist is also on the lower layer, of course. The reason he gives is more fluff.

Look at all the credentials he gives at 3:00, and yet, he knows far less than us. That’s what happens; people are blown away by all the credentials. And now it transpires that [the girl has] talked about killing herself. Come on.

I called BPD before the drugs came up, and now the suicide talk has come up, and then so-called Mr Harvard top psychologist is sitting there saying, “That’s where the addiction is for her”, instead of saying, “That’s how people with BPD act in relationships.” “My relationship is a rollercoaster.”‘

At age 20, in response to a YouTube video in which Dr. Phil asks a guest, ‘Are you delusional?’ my friend stated:

‘If only they could see what we do about people. It would save them a lifetime of hassle, a lifetime of keeping speaking to these people or asking them questions and wanting to hear things in their own words, like they hold the answers [to social-mindset behaviours, which they can’t], or their actions are logical or have value.

They’re stuck in this endless cycle of overestimating these people and attributing value to them and not being able to work them out and being confused or shocked by them.

It’s the fact he even posed that question, the fact he valued his response, whereas we know stuff about people without having to ask them when we know it’s nonsense.

We only need to consult the body of evidence and the neurological facts. It holds all the answers, but there they are, taking their word for it or asking them, valuing their response.

It’s the social mindset. It’s them needing to hear it from others as part of a human interaction rather than a scientific study conducted by themselves, detached from human emotion, and that’s what they’re doing. That’s what everyone is doing.

The social mindset: wrongly attributing value to people and seeing complexity that isn’t there and assuming everyone has a complex, personal, unique, logical, human-emotion reason for doing something; seeing them as people who feel and perceive the same things as you and have value or worth rather than seeing an objective, scientific organism to be studied.

It’s impossible for me to convey my stance without it being seen as me being “big-headed” or “wanting to be right”, but my situation couldn’t be further than that. I don’t enjoy saying it at all. It’s an overwhelming, blatant and basic conclusion from every possible piece of research and evidence that hits me in the face multiple times every day for the past few years. When I come to that objective conclusion, what else am I meant to say?

If I challenged someone to find someone like me in a group of a thousand people, they’d wrongly pick out people who were nothing like me and who I’d be able to refute in seconds. What they see linking people to me is wrong and totally skewed. They’d probably pick out someone who liked Dr Who or drinks alcohol, but as far as they’re concerned, they have long hair and do computing.

The fact of the matter is, all of those thousand people would have at least 10 things on a list of 100, and I wouldn’t, but they wouldn’t understand what’s so special about that list.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘Actually, that’s exactly why schizoids don’t respond to psychological help, because they don’t want to change, whereas other seemingly stubborn people do want to change or open up.

Because think about the benefit of changing: it’s only a social one, and if you don’t have the social mindset, that isn’t processed.

The benefit could only be improving someone’s social or emotional impression of them or emotionally please the people who have told them to get help, by changing them into someone who is more emotional, sociable and amicable. … [Either that or] you genuinely think you are wrong, lesser, mentally handicapped and want to be like others.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘The next wave of psychologist-appointment bribery has hit me. The last wave was last December, when we met, and all I got out of it was illness. I got ill 2 days after that.

This has been triggered due to a nail-infection appointment I had, and the doctor started enquiring about my mental health, because obviously she had picked up on my demeanour, appearance, and now my mum is goading me into allowing her to refer me.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘The funny things is, schizophrenics will not be able to prove. They’d come up with absolute bollocks, but we would literally be able to present based on scientific axioms that concur with the scientific community.

Every [psychologist] I’ve spoken to has said they haven’t seen someone with my practices before. We know how many people are like [us]. We’ve been going through millions of profiles over the last 6 years. All of them have views that inexplicably line up [with the social mindset]. I’ve only ever seen views all line up on the critical issues or all being the opposite. There’s no middle ground.

I really want to encounter a psychologist who knows my condition and sees exactly the same predicament, but I know that doesn’t exist. You genuinely need to lack the social mindset to be able to see it, and people without the social mindset are not in psychologist roles.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘The schizoid literature or regular people (funnily enough) would characterise our isolation as being from “people” in general, which is not technically true, so that’s why I have to clarify it as “regular people”.

I couldn’t, for example, say [to someone] just “people” unless it were clear I were referring to people with the social mindset, i.e. if it were previously specified in conversation, because it’s not true.

I absolutely would associate with people with our lack of the social mindset [which is only permitted by my own latent social mindset], but the very dynamic of who they are and how rare they are means regular people won’t understand how we are expected to find them.

They’ll be like the psychologist woman, who thought I’d find relatable people at a hospital autist meet-up, not realising that the people who lack the social mindset like us would be exactly like us, entirely averse to those sorts of meetings, entirely living in their room and entirely on the Internet.

Hence, that’s the only place I’d ever expect to come across one, and given how much I myself have reduced my online presence, in addition to maintaining a façade online that cannot easily be deduced from that I lack the social mindset, it is even less likely.

So yes, there are people I would associate with, but they are so rare and undiscoverable that it’s basically not worth mentioning, not to mention the fact of how incomprehensible they would be in general to regular people. It’s not worth mentioning to regular people. Both the nature of the person and their rarity/how hard it is to find them would be incomprehensible to them, so the word dilutes to just “people” in the schizoid literature, when it is, in fact, regular people/people with the social mindset.

And that’s part of why my mission is so important, because then we can immediately ascribe a name/mechanism to our condition that could no longer leave it up for debate of “what the social mindset is“. We could just say they have to have this mutation/this physiology and leave it at that, no more arguments, and that this mutation/mechanism just happens to lead to this list of consistent mental symptoms that no longer need to be relied on as the sole/primary method of diagnosis.

I talk about it like I’m nowhere near, like it could be any gene under the sun, but that’s because specificity is essential for someone like me. I’m actually extremely close and have basically ruled out over 95% of genes, maybe more, have confined it to a few families of very predictable genes and have even associated it with a few non-causative genes that could shape how it presents. I’ve established for basically certain the protein pathways that are involved. I’ve established the gene that established the social mindset.

I can basically look at the table of supposed autism genes on the Wikipedia causes-of-autism page and tell you about each one, which type of autism it most likely (or certainly) leads to. Most are, in fact, low-functioning. I can make that split super clearly now. It’s such useful fucking knowledge to be able to clearly ascribe what is referring to low-functioning/non-verbal autism and potentially our autism.

I know exactly what genes [are referring to which] when I see them, because of all the extraneous condition research I’ve done. It’s so funny, in fact, because it could be simpler: the genes that caused us had gain-of-function mutations, which are otherwise not that common in congenital genetic pathology literature, while the genes listed on the Wikipedia table basically always have loss-of-function mutations, are basically only ever reported as such. Oh, and half of them don’t even just lead to autism. Rather, they lead to multi-symptom conditions of which non-verbal autism is one of the symptoms.

I’m very close to plotting an entire start-to-finish pathway of how our condition arises, from the point of spermatic mutation to the point of conception and aberrant Notch signalling during embryonic development to the precise brain and physical changes that that leads to when the child grows up, the exact pattern of growth and from what areas and then the final brain physiology when most of the growth is complete and then how that actually disrupts the social mindset.

The funny thing is, my discovery almost is not important or valuable to scientific research, because people like us never make themselves known, so it’s practically unknown that we even exist to have our mechanisms uncovered. And besides, if we were known, we would be shunned and ostracised, so it almost doesn’t matter to them, to regular people, what we are and how we came about. But it matters to me, and I have to find it out.

You might say it also matters to my parents. They should be more enthused about what I’m discovering, my dad especially, but he isn’t. Poor [growth specialist], never able to offer an explanation as to why my pituitary was small on that MRI [at age 14]. Now, I am. Even I would’ve been none the wiser back then, absolutely clueless as to its relevance or importance to me. All I took it as was, “Well, as long as it’s working fine and will make me grow when I hit puberty”, because that is exactly what they took it as and what they told to me. They couldn’t see it further, couldn’t see more.

I mean, the MRI people even stated in their report that my centrum semiovale white matter was different. It didn’t trigger the interest of someone like [the growth specialist], whose entire [hospital] page describes him as a person entirely devoted to conditions of abnormal/reduced child height and weight growth.

That’s his trick as a one-trick pony – can’t see further, can’t do further, can’t do more, but here I am, taking up the honour, because he couldn’t, because he decided to devote his life to that tiny, specific niche and nothing else, not even be able to see the relevance in the other things, the relevance to my very autism, and yet it’s me doing this.

This is all while I took on world history and taxonomy and linguistics and ethnography and the majority of known genetic conditions and aviation. It’s depressing to see how tunnel-visioned people become in their careers.’

At age 21, in response to a YouTube comment stating, ‘I’ve never heard of eating habits being linked to either ASD [autism spectrum disorder] or BPD [borderline personality disorder], that’s interesting’, I remarked, ‘How far behind people are, when it’s a hallmark of both disorders.’ My friend replied, ‘Exactly.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘Well, that’s become a trend now: YouTubers saying they love therapy, recommending it for everyone, gloating about how they went and how much they enjoyed it and “learnt about themselves”.

But it’s a real emphasis I’m hearing, like there’s nothing else like it. It has only caused me frustration, never ever pleasure in any sense of the word. [The trend was] long-running, but I only just realised it. The frequency became ridiculous.’

My friend replied, ‘I hate therapy; case in point is your psychologist.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I will get told that I make [my life] a prison “because I don’t go outside or speak to anyone.” If only they knew how I’m the only person where that doesn’t apply.

It’s like they think they’re looking down on me. They think that it’s a prison because they think I have an illness that makes me intentionally not speak to people and am suffering because of it, because they think of themselves.’

They’re so locked into that paradigm of assumption that people want to go out and want to speak to people and would enjoy that, so locked into it that they think the reason why I’m not doing that is not because that’s not the case with me (because they can’t compute that) but because I’m intentionally hurting or spiting myself.

That’s the bizarre thought process they always end up at, because they can’t compute the first part. Totally bizarre. Imagine me having the disrespect to assume that of your thought process and reasoning.

But of course, that actually applies to real people. Real people do do that with the social mindset. Real people don’t know what’s best for them and need help from others. Real people are doing things because they’re out of control or confused and not because they have solid logic, where they need psychologists and parents to guide them. They can only compute someone being like them as well, as well as being it themselves.’

At age 21, my friend stated:

‘Just remember that because you consented to going to a psychologist, you basically will present as that person who talked about hating himself on Reddit. That’s how they’re going to approach you, because that how they expect people to be.

They expect people to be going there because they don’t have self-control, which has led them to do something that is against society and hence need help in the form of coercion by someone with a greater social status to coerce them out of those behaviours and back into the social fold.

In short, they expect people to be going there because they want to increase their social status and get back into the fold of society, that despite that deviation, they still have that voice inside them that wants that.

So to turn up at a psychologist is actually a scary lack of dignity, and I wont be doing it ever again, especially now that I have worked out what it implies, so of course it never worked, and of course there was a clash. I went there without expectation, anyway. I went because my mum forced me to.’ I replied, ‘Yes. I’m not going to psychologists anymore.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘There’s this awful new YouTuber who’s supposedly a therapist,^[12] and he interviews popular streamers, and the sessions sound almost exactly like ones I’ve been through, including the most recent ones, but the way I’m seeing the people react to it is absurd.

It’s what I expected, but it’s apocalyptic, how truly influenced they are, how they’re just believing everything the man’s saying about how they themselves are thinking, in school-mantra-repetition style, saying what is expected of them, the expected response, the hoped-for response, the asked-for response; no semblance of a person underneath it with an actual view to hold.

Basically, everything’s an “Oh yeah, you’re right” moment or a response to “How would this affect a person?” being exactly what the therapist wants to hear. It’s infuriating to watch, even worse because of how similar it sounds to my own ordeals. It’s like they’re coming back to haunt me again in this twisted form.’

References

1. ^ "Schizoid personality disorder". Wikipedia. 2020-05-23.
2. ^ "r/ARG - The Case of Carn Habsburg-Lothringen Waldegrave Kell". reddit. (Archive version from 8 November 2020.)
3. ^ "Graphorrhea". Wikipedia. 2020-09-29.
4. ^ ^{a b} "Bipolar disorder". Wikipedia. 2019-06-08.
5. ^ ^{a b c} DramaAlert (2019-11-13). "The Hard Truth About FouseyTube! ( PART 2 )". YouTube.
6. ^ ^{a b c} ReUploaded (2019-06-29). ""Etika (INTERVIEW) after being ARRESTED by Police! #DramaAlert (SHOCKING)" - DramaAlert ReUpload". YouTube.
7. ^ "Bipolar I disorder". Wikipedia. 2020-09-28.
8. ^ "Bipolar II disorder". Wikipedia. 2020-10-19.
9. ^ A Current Affair (2019-05-05). "'Hitler's son' making life hell, Aussie neighbours say | A Current Affair". YouTube.
10. ^ "https://twitter.com/keemstar/status/1212914165972684801". Twitter. (Archive version from 3 January 2020.)
11. ^ Tait, Amelia (2016-08-04). "The strange case of Marina Joyce and internet hysteria". The Guardian. ISSN 0261-3077. (Archive version from 6 October 2020.)
12. ^ "HealthyGamerGG - YouTube". YouTube. (Archive version from 13 September 2020.)

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