Unconscious thought appropriation

Now that the mechanism has been established objectively and characterised extensively, we are able to identify whether a latent behaviour or phenomenon of ours required the social mindset or not and thus whether it was unconsciously appropriated, even if we cannot explain our reason for the behaviour subjectively.

However, this was not always the case.

When analysing my childhood at age 20, I did not know why I had an initial desire for a pet at around age 8. I considered it ‘something I need to work out’. I also did not understand why I felt the appeal or status of alcohol at around the same age of 8, nor why, at age 7, I became highly enthusiastic for a song from a genre I never listened to after my father had shown extreme enthusiasm for it. I did not understand why I continued to go after fictional media until early teenage years.

I believed all of these things could have (or should have) been for logical reasons only, a hallmark feature of the social mindset.

At age 14, I had explicitly stated that, whilst I did not have empathy for most people, I would have empathy for a romantic partner. However, later on in late teenage years, I had instances of debating whether it was empathy that I felt for a romantic partner (even though it was). I could not understand why there should be some exception for a romantic partner and tried to confabulate ‘logical’ reasons as to why I would be altruistic to a romantic partner and feel their joy over anyone else.

At age 19, about his latent social-mindset behaviours, my friend stated:

‘I’m not even going to attempt to explain it anymore, because it’s wrong. It’s wrong, so it isn’t something to justify or explain, how I’ve done these wrong things. I feel like purposefully ironing them out. Next time I go to do it, this conversation will come to mind. I feel like consciously refusing to do it, because of the pointlessness of it.

I remember a time when I didn’t see the real pointlessness and stupidity in things I did. The fact of the matter is, I need to iron out these things from my behaviours. This is something I’m going to be chewing over for a long time, actually. It has stumped me.

There are a few things that I can’t immediately think of that I haven’t told you about, things that make me out to be impractical or just stupid things, but I think coming clean about them is the best option, because it will help us in our understanding of other people, the bullying incident as well.

I have done and felt things that you have not. If I can get to the bottom of the reasoning and benefit and what I was thinking in the moment, then it will help us in our understanding of other people.

I’ve felt it forcing me to do select illogical things. I’ve felt the clutches of the social world, and honestly, I think I would have been utterly stupid had I not encountered you. I definitely wouldn’t have ended up on this path. This is a very, very difficult dilemma. There is no practical gain. It’s such a fucked up situation. It hurts.’

At age 20, again about his latent social mindset, my friend stated:

‘You try to reason why these teens drink alcohol, what the benefit must be, but I pretty much know why. I know why, because I almost envisage myself being part of it.

I don’t think you’d be able to do that, but I’ve been way closer than you have. I’ve been directly in its company. I can envisage how different it would have been if I had had different motives. I can envisage it all happening. I can see how it happens and how they do it.

It’s something I’ve totally progressed from. These people haven’t progressed to knowledge acquisition and never will do. They’re just so wrapped up in their social image and coming across as the societal conception of cool, hard, bad, respectable. They can’t see outside it, can’t see that it’s culture-specific.

I’m just saying, I know how it happens. I know how they work. I know how it feels. I know the social gains. I can feel it, all the films I’ve watched and the childhood experiences of bullying, of having friends, before I knew what I was part of, of wanting to impress friends, etc.

But it’s totally inapplicable to me now, so there is no point in mentioning it for that purpose, for the purpose of expressing what I am now, but I think, simply, that I need to reveal this to you, even though it is indeed irrelevant to my current image and could go unmentioned.

But I think, in order to understand these people, I need to try to explain what it’s like, because I believe I actually know, because I’ve pretty much been there. I’ve felt the social and emotional gains at some points. In the certain situations I was able to appear in, I did feel such a gain, like that time I felt emotion for films.

It’s actually hard to explain. It’s like this ignorant fantasy bubble, but partly because the immediate effects of alcohol aren’t understood; people just see others drink alcohol and think they’re totally fine after, so they think that it will also have no effect on them.

It’s difficult to discuss, because once you see the higher layer, you can’t really go back, because you know it’s right. I’ll resume when I think of a way to put it. Sometimes, it comes back to me, the memories and sensations.

There’s often this distant world that I become aware of now and again, the unsolicited respect for family members or certain sentimental feelings, feelings of love and crush for complete idiots or things that I know are absolutely stupid, feelings of emotion when watching films despite knowing that it’s a film and being able to envision the recording equipment and knowing they’re all actors and that it’s in a studio, but I can feel it.

It’s like this fabric that comes into contact with me. I can see the other world. I get a glimpse at the sensations and emotions that are going on. I can see how they’re so locked up and absorbed in them. I can imagine how they feel it for so many people and how they connect it with films. I can remember the world I was part of before my revelations.

I still felt this respect or good will for [my parents], just not kissing or hugging or girlfriend love, but ever since my revelations, it’s almost been taken away. Now, I see them for what they are. It’s hard to respect that when I know who they are fundamentally, or have any feelings of praise for them.

So I consider myself a very different person before my revelations, because it just made a lot of the emotions I had towards people no longer felt and made me bitter, because of the overwhelming evidence. It was impossible to have the emotions, but instinctually, I could still feel them, and I could still remember them.

I’m not exactly like you. You had a form that was compatible with making your own revelation and coming to it on your own accord, but I may have required you to come to the revelations. You may not have required me.

I’ve spoken to lots of these people in the categories. I know how they operate, but I do see your position to be more legitimate and justified. Your position makes total sense. It followed on logically. You were speaking like you do now in 2011. It couldn’t be more logical of a position and seamless following on, but for me, it’s not like that. My writing was not like that in 2011.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘I obviously had something else for animals as a young child, don’t know what it was, really. It could’ve been romantic feelings. Who the hell knows? Because I know I got attracted to fictional characters from TV as a toddler/child, would ruminate over them, fantasy scenarios, and it was feelings, romantic feelings, the same ones I felt with real girls later on, had the same thoughts of being alone with the character.

I don’t know if my brain ever wanted to apply that to animals. I can’t remember. There are some ways it makes sense and others it doesn’t. Who knows? I’m going to uncover it.

And I don’t know if what I had was that. I honestly can’t remember if I ever felt butterflies for an animal as a child. It’s so long ago. I don’t know what the fascination was.

I don’t know if I was expecting them to act like humans, if I was expecting to be able to treat them like humans, but I was excited for the cats at childminder’s, but only the first childminder, or also, I was excited for the neighbour’s cats up to a certain point. During the 2008/09 controversies [incidents with the neighbour’s family], I don’t think I was, but [prior to this,] when it was her grandparents there, I definitely remember being captivated by them.

See how it’s all very old, and I don’t quite know why. Lol, but isn’t that funny; everything was premature and done for by an early point.’ My friend replied, ‘And yet, they’re still doing it now.’ I replied, ‘Yes. My brain was already there back then and surpassed it.‘

At age 21, I stated:

‘Like I said, the only time I ever felt a (relatively) strong feeling of emotion because of someone else’s sadness was that girl recounting how her boyfriend was killed on the road. It wasn’t a feeling sad for her; it was a feeling of me being able to imagine how it could feel if it happened to me.

If I actually loved a girl, and then she just died suddenly through no fault of her own – obviously, we don’t have go over how it’s difficult for that to happen anymore, since I can’t love a girl anymore – but back then, I could imagine doing so, because it’s the different relationship to a family or friend relationship, one where primal instincts from before the social mindset drive it.

And also, her age probably played into it, same age as me, so I didn’t have any imagery of adults or ladies or men being widows. It felt more innocent. They were just schoolchildren, basically. Only that is when the “social-mindset” feelings come out.

That statement on its own sparks interest in me now. That alone is a very curious statement, that that even happens or is possible, what changed in the brain to allow that to happen.

I just felt her sadness. I related to the idea of being sad over that. Imagine, hypothetically, you spend your life finding a girl with a lack of the social mindset or any other girlfriend you could love wholeheartedly, and then poof, she’s gone, due to sudden freak death. It would be a kick in the face.

It’s the stuff I used to worry about with old girlfriends, the stuff we both used to worry about. There’d always be talk about being scared of either of us dying. I mean, even [my 2019 girlfriend], who I didn’t have significant feelings for, had to bring it up herself, talk about meeting before we die, otherwise she’ll do this or that harm to herself.

When I had feelings, I would imagine a world of just me and the girl. It would be like nothing else mattered. At the peak of feelings, you just want to be with the girl alone and with no one else around.

It’s a very strange effect, but it’s definitely been or is being sealed off, sealed away as part of my brain development. It’s but a memory now, the ability to feel that way.‘

At age 21, I stated:

‘It’s weird how that works, how you can lack the social mindset but not even be aware that the reason you’re not engaging in a certain feature is because you lack the social mindset, because other social-mindset associations have brainwashed you into thinking otherwise.

That’s exactly why regular autists want social interaction and regular people with OCD hate their behaviours and consider them “irrational” [though they typically are in these cases].

It’s why autists think they can train social skills into them, just like how I thought I could train the desire to accomplish a social-mindset cause like achieving an institutional grade or degree into me or opening myself up to socialisation opportunities, believing that with their exposure, I would gain social skills.

It’s truly scary, what it does. It’s truly wild, the self-detrimental behaviour it imposes, entirely out of your control. It’s like some ghost you have to speak about behind its back.

It’s entirely invisible, and you can’t rationalise it or be subjectively aware of it. You can only talk about its effects externally, like some apparition knocking over objects in the dark, just like how I couldn’t explain or be sure whether I would continue to lose romantic feelings or couldn’t be sure whether I felt familial love anymore.

I was observing it all second-hand. I had to judge externally based on the path it was taking, the increasing innate-survival memories vs. the social-mindset-linked memories, the increasing rate, the increasing disparity that was causing it. I could only observe that externally. I couldn’t feel it internally or rationalise why.

All the ridiculous fucking confabulations we’ve ever come up with. It’s crazy, the things it makes us and other people say. It’s this ridiculous cage, a ridiculous curse put on humans.

So glad I escaped 90% of it, though, but now, I’m a science experiment. That’s my life’s purpose, what happens when most of it is removed.

But I’d rather just have none of it. I know it’s not rational for me to want any latent social-mindset feature such as romantic love or familial love. All the times I’ve ever expressed want of those things in my life, like wishing that I could have good experiences with my family again: it’s all illogical.

The real curse is the fact it’s pitted against a presumed default that consists of the social mindset, so when you progressively lack it, you’re consistently told and believed to have something highly wrong with you or to be illogical or this or that or whatever they come up with, when in actual fact, it’s just the default way all other animals are.

It’s the norm in the animal kingdom. Humans are the abnormal, but they try to convince you they’re the norm when they’re not.

So what I have, basically, is a really easy, simple and expectable effect. It’s a mere slipping back to what we had before, before humans. It’s a slipping out of the extraordinary of humans and back into the norm of animals, so it shouldn’t be crazy; it should be expectable that something like this is at risk of happening. It’s an unstable region of the genome, 1q21.

I will never fully lack the social mindset. That’s never going to happen, but the rates are always going to make it worse. I’m always going to lack it more and more. It’s a set-in-stone path, and I lack it more than anyone I’ve seen in my entire life [outside low-functioning autism], including you and anyone on the Internet or in the news, so there’s that.

So I’m the most readily accessible, best case study, and I’m probably going to die from it, essentially. I’m probably going to die from this condition, purely because almost every other human has the social mindset.

I’ll match their associations; I’ll trigger their social mindset. Well, even other animals do [such as results in animal love and torture, etc.], but still, laws don’t apply to animals, but they used to [and still apply to humans in cases involving animals].

I’m going to want less and less to do with the social-mindset world, and that’s never going to stop, as it’s been since birth, and it’ll drive me into whatever hole it drives me into. There’s no reversing it; it’s literal knowledge, episodic memories, lifelong experiences. You’d have to take a chunk out of my frontal lobe to reverse it, then what use is there of me?

So it’s best to just let it run its course, let it do its thing, let it kill me when it kills me; no need for intervention. There’s no other feasible way it can go.

Neither of us can escape that it’s a feeling that takes over when we relate to someone. It’s based on external factors, but it isn’t worked out in the brain. When the conditions are met, it happens.‘

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