‘Schadenfreude’/pleasure from suffering
Neither of us feel any pleasure from expressions of displeasure or pain from virtually all other people. My friend retains this feature to a slightly higher degree than myself.
From early to mid-childhood, I could find ‘fail’-style video clips funny. The source of these would be TV shows in early childhood and YouTube compilations in mid-childhood.
By mid-teenage years, I had progressively stopped finding such compilations funny. Instead, I would much prefer ‘win’ compilations, which would often contain a significant feat of skill, similar to the interest I had in Guinness World Record books or extreme fact books in childhood.
At age 20, I stated:
‘With true lack of empathy [as in other animals], there shouldn’t be an impetus to build bonds. There absolutely shouldn’t be an impetus to go through the pains of talking in a persona to someone for the sole purpose of toying with their emotions.
And when that’s all they’re doing and getting from it, the toyed emotions, what else can it be that they’re doing it for?’
At age 20, my friend stated:
‘It’s like [a manipulative girl my friend knew] got a negative value, and it was converted to positive, went up on the other side.’
I replied, ‘Abusing seems like a negative value, but you only have to think, to brainstorm and ponder what’s going on, to see the truth. There actually can’t be a negative value of empathy. It doesn’t make sense [and doesn’t exist in the animal kingdom]. Empathy is an “ability”. Abusers have that in order to do what they do. It seems counter-intuitive, but it’s true.’
At age 20, I stated:
‘It’s why I view any harmer of animals with justified suspicion. Animal harmers are usually also animal lovers.‘ My friend replied, ‘Exactly. I was about to say that. What sense does that make? Far too involved in the lives of animals.‘
I replied, ‘It’s started to make a lot of sense to me. It all relies on an ability to connect with the emotions of the animals. That’s the only way you could derive pleasure from their pain, but having that connection also gives you the capacity to love them. It’s simply the case that I don’t have that emotional connection.
[Anti-social people, psychopaths] and people who commit violence are always going to be far more emotional than me. … It requires an emotional mindset to profit off that stuff.’
At age 20, I sent a psychology YouTube video that stated:
‘Sadism requires empathy, as you need to be aware of someone’s pain to take pleasure from it. … [Ted Bundy] displays thoughtfulness and compassion towards his family, something highly unlikely for an individual to fake in his position, and demonstrates that he genuinely loves his parents.’[1]
My friend remarked, ‘Yes, it’s right, obviously. I knew that. Psychopaths have to be aware of emotion. It’s why they can emulate any emotion, put on any sort of act and [most importantly] profit out of emotional blackmail.’
I then sent screenshots of two YouTube comments: ‘”Sadism requires empathy” oof, what a quote.’ ‘Wow…sadism requires emphathy, thats comforting…’ I remarked, ‘Idiots, and believe it or not, there are some people in the replies denying it.’
At age 20, I sent the following excerpt from the Wikipedia article for zoosadism:
‘Dennis Nilsen [a Scottish serial killer and necrophile who killed at least 12 young men between 1978 and 1983 in London] had difficulty initiating social contact with people but loved his faithful companion, Bleep, a mongrel bitch. After his arrest, he was very concerned for her welfare, as she was taken to the police station too.’[2]
I later sent a screenshot of a prison guard’s account of an inmate stating, ‘One guy wrote a request slip and gave it to me, policy is we have to read it. So i read it. Maximum security prison that has cats running around the compound. The request reads “Hi can i talk to mister NAME in charge of the cats, i like to pet cats and maybe can play with them too. i like the cats“. 24 year old guy mentally ill in for the rest of his life for butchering a mom and her baby.’[3]
I remarked, ‘More evidence. It’s not boding well for the animal-lover apologists out there, is it? Lol.’
At age 19, my friend stated:
‘It is a waste of time. I have more respect for your stance than the psychopath stance, i.e. not wasting time speaking to those people instead of manipulating them or associating with them for some emotional gain. At the end of the day, what does it matter about these people?
And of course, [the aforementioned girl] feeds off of that. She gets off on people complimenting her or comforting or thinking she is in the right or taking her side, but the thing is, what does it matter?
It requires an inherent caring or value of what that person thinks. It still has that emotional gain. It’s a psychopathic thing, when the logical thing is not to waste time speaking to [anyone with the social mindset].
I can only explain it as it being this overwhelming kick and emotional gain that people with psychopathy feel, but it is not logical. It is emotional. It is a hindrance, a waste of time and potentially getting yourself into trouble, and that’s what it is, an emotional, psychopathic kick that clouds out the thoughts that it is not worthwhile and not a practical thing to be doing.’
At age 19, my friend stated:
‘Despite having cats, they weren’t my choice. I see them for what they are. I have no emotion for my cats, but I don’t hurt them. Animal lovers, animal hurters.
I replied, ‘Yes, as if it’s human, exactly. It’s a mutation in the brain that gives rise to a mindset that is passed on to every relatively complex animal instead of just being confined to other humans.’
At age 20, my friend stated:
‘Apparently, she slaughtered a goat today. Animal lovers, animal killers.‘
This was said about an ex-partner of my friend who lived a lifestyle of animal-raising and slaughtering in a household of 11 mostly unrelated siblings with a father in prison for murder and who professed to ‘manipulating [her] peers’ and ‘blackmail’.
The ex-partner had also stated in the past, ‘I love my birds to absolute pieces … but when it’s time to slaughter, I know I gave them a good life.’
At age 20, I stated in a voice message:
‘The autistic lack of empathy is so different, whether you can even argue that antisocial people actually do lack empathy [which they do not, compared to us].
Let’s just clear the air about that; there are two different things that I’ve seen constantly, consistently referred to as a “lack of empathy” in medical literature.
One of them is the type that ends up in prison. That’s the type that comprises criminals. It’s where you will freely abuse your domestic partners and stuff like that, because you have that spur-of-the-moment thinking, impulsive thinking where in the moment, you just need to unleash the emotions on them.
However, those same people will still have a respect and a love for family and for pets and, of course, for their partners, even if they abuse them. It’s a paradox, but it works. It’s true. It’s 100% true.
They will love their partners deeply and genuinely, but at the same time, they’ll abuse them. Same with animals: they will love their animals but abuse animals at the same time. It’s how it works, you know.
When you get a brain like ours; when you get a brain as hyperplastic as ours, it gets rid of the impulsivity, and it gets rid of the abusing. We don’t see any gain in abusing, whether it is a domestic partner or an animal.
But at the same time, that hyperplastic brain gets rid of the emotional connection to those things [entirely, not just for negative emotions]. It gets rid of the familial love; it gets rid of the connection to animals; it stops us relating to people; it stops us from having any faith in people except where we know them to be someone like us, where we know them to not have any stupid practices or social, pointless practices.
Only those are the sort of people that we could actually respect, but even then, it’s not the same empathy. We don’t love anyone but a romantic partner, and even that is very difficult for us, but that is how it is. It doesn’t mean that we are more propense to do crime; in fact, it’s the opposite.’
At age 20, in response to a Dr. Phil video about a violent woman with an emotional disorder, I stated, ‘[The woman’s partner said], “Vegans don’t like killing things.” You’d be surprised. You’d be very fucking surprised, unfortunately, because it’s no surprise to us. Animal lovers, animal harmers.‘
At age 20, in response to a screenshot from the manipulative girl mentioned earlier saying how she’d ‘made a girl nearly kill herself by laying it in thick about how her mother left her at age 8’, ‘led this guy on … then publicly humiliated him in his favourite lesson’ and ‘kicked a girl in the ankle so hard she had to be sent to hospital’ and that she ‘[didn’t] feel guilty for any of it’, I stated:
‘What she said in that screenshot sounded like ASPD [antisocial personality disorder] or conduct disorder. That’s the clear difference between these ASPD types and my lack of empathy. It’s a very, very sturdy and clear difference. ASPDs get off on causing harm; I do not. Just because I actually lack empathy, doesn’t mean I feel at liberty to cause harm.
I would find it cringe to torture animals, for example, but these types would love to do that. I wouldn’t find it upsetting for the feelings of the animal, but I would just find it cringe and pointless [for the same reason I find other social-mindset features cringe and pointless], because I don’t relate to the joy of causing pain.
To think most autists would never admit to having a lack of empathy, even though it’s in all the literature, and I myself meet practically all AS [Asperger syndrome] criteria and can feel the lack myself and profess it as such. It feels like they’re all phoneys.‘
At age 20, I stated:
‘[Psychopaths] have more of an emotional connection than we do, which is counter-intuitive but true. ASPD criminals have a strict honour code based on pointless traditions and emotion.
This is the fact of the matter of psychopathy and ASPD. They have to be able to relate to people’s emotions in order to profit off them and enjoy manipulating them.’
At age 20, I stated, ‘ASPD criminals commit crime, but they still love their family.’
At age 20, I stated, ‘I know what ASPD empathy is like. I know it fully, no need for tests. Just look at prisoners: “I love my sister.” “But you killed her.”‘ My friend replied, ‘Hahahaha, ASPD love and ASPD respect.’
At age 20, I stated, ‘[Those with psychopathy/ASPD] get tattoos.’
At age 21, I stated:
‘When people go on about “incredible manipulators”, I’ve literally never seen one. I’ve never seen a single tactic that would make me go “wow”.‘
My friend replied, ‘Exactly. Well, there’s the fact that you don’t recognise manipulation as a skill, and it’s odd that [this girl] does. She says she doesn’t like useless information but then says she likes drawing, doesn’t like useless information but enjoys a socially bound manipulation of someone who should be seen to have no value.
They should be depressed that people are like it and not finding the exploiting of it funny. Why would they be laughing if they can’t have friends or a partner?’
At age 21, I stated, ‘As we know by now, there are other reasons for not doing something harmful other than having empathy, like, ironically, not having empathy. I don’t harm animals because I lack empathy, so I have nothing to gain from their pain.’
At age 21, I stated:
‘We know that [lacking the social mindset is] not necessary to kill one’s mother, and in fact, the social mindset required, if she isn’t posing a physical threat.
So people who use empathy as a reason why they don’t harm people are actually saying the opposite of the truth; empathy is required to harm people in that way. The only surefire way not to harm people for pleasure is to lack the social mindset like us.’
Bullying
Neither of us affiliate with this feature.
Prior to age 11, my friend partook in bullying against one person. He was bullied during this time and later verbally and physically bullied an uninvolved person.
Immediately after age 11, there is one person I can recall having collaborated in instances of bullying towards, which involved minor verbal complicity with other individuals who were bullying the person verbally and/or physically. In line with requiring the social mindset, it also took place shortly after I had first experienced significant bullying, and the person was someone with Asperger syndrome who I considered a friend and someone relatable to me.
In contrast to these recounted incidents for each of us, I was verbally and physically bullied from ages 11 to 15 by most of the year, constituting around 100 people. This led me to leave the school early. My friend did not experience bullying to this degree during these ages (or conformed in line with his greater social mindset in such a way that it did not stand out in his school experience).
I could not subjectively understand the often-stated reason for bullying ‘because it makes them feel better about being bullied themselves’, because I lacked the social mindset that facilitated this. I was not even aware that the threat-proxy mechanism was the reason for my rare incidents of complicity, in line with the unconscious-thought-appropriation mechanism described on this site. The mechanism could only have been ascertained objectively in retrospect using the research on this site.
At age 14, my diagnostic assessment for autism spectrum disorder included the following:
‘[His] teachers reported in a letter dated 06.06.2013 that they had noticed a significant change in his demeanour and attitude both in and out of lessons. … His behaviour has become noticeably erratic as he leaves and arrives at lessons late to avoid crowds. He is described as more on edge around other students and is increasingly unwilling to work in pairs or groups and reluctant to speak in front of the class.
[His tutor] has reported that [he] has now physically isolated himself from the other pupils by sitting away from them, and when he has concerns, he refuses to speak to her both in class or out of class, but he wishes to wait until everyone has left so that he can remain in the classroom. [He] is thought to have become more withdrawn over the past few months and is reluctant to communicate with others, seeing nearly all other students as potential aggressors. …’
At age 19, I stated:
‘[A school peer’s] respect [for me] only rose when he found out what I was doing to the school. Before that, he bullied me.’ My friend replied, ‘I used to hate [him] as well. I hated all of them, the whole year. Nobody in that school was worth my time.’
My friend later stated, ‘I was bullied about you once, “weird kid who hangs about with that other weird kid that doesn’t speak“.’ I replied, ‘Who said it?’ My friend replied with the individual. I replied, ‘[He] once said on Skype that I would be the type of person to commit a school shooting, because [the first school peer mentioned here] carelessly invited him in the call, as he would.’
At age 19, I stated:
‘In the past, I was always told to speak up. It’s because I hate anyone other than the person I’m speaking to hearing what’s being said, in public busy places, anyway, so I speak the bare minimum. My volume is always selective, though. I behave totally differently in public than in my own room or own house.
In public, there are times I just won’t be able to speak at all. There were times I’d be asked something embarrassing by a teacher in high school in front of the class, and I would not say a word in return, because everyone would hear, all the bullies, and I couldn’t explain that fact. There was nothing I could say that wouldn’t get used by the bullies, so I’d say nothing.
Sometimes, I’d get really pressed for an answer, and there’d just be this horrible long silence with everyone staring at me, but I’d still say nothing, because it was better than any alternative.’
At age 19, I stated:
‘You could practically never walk past a class waiting in line without getting pulled away or tripped up, and I had that happen to me numerous times, forcing me to avoid the busy areas at all costs. I would only go the back routes, away from everyone, and also, I’d time it to be several minutes after everyone had got to class just so I didn’t have to encounter them. I’d be chronically late and even got punishments for it before, just for this reason.
I remember I wouldn’t even stand in line with my own classes. I’d always ensure, fully ensure, that I was at the back, and I’d try to stand a metre or two behind the last person. Then I had ones in both upper years and lower years also going after me. There were ones in years below me coming to me at lunch; there was [one younger student], who was punching me at the back eating area, which you saw.
Yes, the rumours that spread about me. The only time I can ever be said to have done anything of that sort was to [the friend with milder Asperger syndrome].’ My friend replied, ‘I did in year 4, and [the boy with milder Asperger syndrome did] too. It’s a common desire in human psychology, to bully.’ I replied, ‘Yes. I know about your past with bullying.’
I continued, ‘The stuff I did to [the boy with milder Asperger syndrome] was never that bad and never with malicious intent. I was his friend. It was friendly jokes gone too far. I would never hit him or attack him, even though he did that to me. I passively partook in that incident where he was trapped in that cage.
Yes, I was pissing him off while he was “trying to do the work”. I never did such things to someone I didn’t know and feel significant relatability to. I did it to [my girlfriend in 2014] a lot, actually, too much, I think.’
At age 19, my friend stated:
‘Thing is, though, [a group of school peers] weren’t bullying. If you genuinely appeared on the scene, exactly like them, and came out joking and laughing, then they wouldn’t know any different.’
I replied, ‘It’s a toxic relationship they have, and remember, it was outright bullying on multiple occasions. [The main peer in question] started off as just another bully but became “nice”, in quotes, but continued to treat me not like a real friend would, this toxic way. If that’s what people with so-called good intentions do, what would people with bad intentions do?‘
My friend replied, ‘I’m saying what they see in their minds, and if you came out behaving like them, they’d no longer be out to intentionally bully or laugh at your expense but to form a cancer banter relationship like they have. That’s what I think, anyway.’
I replied, ‘Right, so just being a reasonable human being is cause for bullying? I think I established that long ago.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, but they remember you as someone who is part of that banter group and not someone to be bullied, unless that is their intention. I don’t know. That’s what I don’t know. It’s one or the other.’
I replied, ‘[The peer] continued to bully throughout the “friendship”. It was this weird world I got introduced to, and I don’t know if all their friendships are like it, but it’s hell. It’s hard to even fathom or derive their logic.’
My friend replied, ‘I don’t know what goes on in their heads, because there isn’t any. It’s all fluff. All you need to know is that it’s not worth it to be friends with those people. It’s just another [friendly-insult] group, and I think they want to include you in it and not bully.
I understand why it occurs on the meta-level. I know the logic of the logic, only because I have felt that urge myself. … It’s a human and social desire. It has emotional and social benefits. It’s on the same level as all the other social and emotional benefits. It’s just as illogical as the other actions people do in the name of social and emotional benefits.’
I continued, ‘There’s a very personal aspect to it that isn’t paralleled in alcoholism or makeup. It doesn’t work out in their supposed empathic world. It’s illogical to inflict harm on someone who has not inflicted harm on you, in particular, when that harm is supposed to be revenge [but on a person who wasn’t responsible for or isn’t related to the harm] or making you feel better about being bullied.’
My friend replied, ‘All I can say is that it has emotional and social benefits, and the lack of empathy doesn’t matter. They’ll still claim to be upstanding and empathetic. Look, it’s just as crazy as everything else that people do that it falls perfectly in line. There is no surprise and clear social and emotional benefits. … I feel like I can understand it more than you can, a lot of these social things, but I don’t like to reveal that, that I’ve experienced it myself.
But on the other hand, I do want to mention it in order to be able to help us understand what goes through these people’s heads and why and be able to see how it’s logical to them, which is better than thinking they have nothing brains and think 0 and are totally blank. It is at least comforting to know they have some sort of thought process than can be predicted.’
As a preface for the next block, there is an instance at age 13 in which a school peer messaged me the following over Facebook:
‘Could u block me as I have fb on my phone and find your posts annoying and a bit offensive….’ I replied, ‘They are not my posts. They are others’. I just share them.’
I continued, ‘Why can’t you use a computer to block me?’ He replied, ‘Cos its dead.’ I replied, ‘Well, I’m not blocking you, because it’s not really my problem. You’re the one that has a problem with me.’
I later stated, about another person, ‘She was like the 5th person to call me out for sharing posts on Facebook and telling me to block her.
They all told me to block them, for some weird reason, like they wanted to start shit, when they could’ve easily just blocked me, which is what I told them to do.’
At age 20, I stated:
‘The thing I’ve learnt about other people is that you have to react. You have to scream louder than other people, because that’s the only way they understand. They only understand social methods, because the practical method, literally not caring, won’t be understood by them.
Me not reacting, me ignoring, me isolating, in reality, has the right effect for me. I don’t care what they say or do, but for them, it isn’t understood as that, so they continue to try.
It’s the same with everything; you have to show people social signs of your intentions, signs that are social convention, otherwise it doesn’t get understood, even though those signs are totally illogical for the individual; you ideally want to waste least effort on these people. You don’t want to join in their game. You want to stay separate from it.
That is the essence of not being affected by it, but they don’t understand that. They only understand their world, the punching, fighting, macho world, where social intentions and status is built on doing what they do rather than just not caring.
You’d think not caring shows the clearest that you don’t care. You’d think ignoring and clearly not taking it in would be the clearest most apparent way, and, to one of us, it would be, but they are blind, blind with the social goggles, and it’s the same with everything. If you don’t scream and cry and celebrate and protest, your intentions simply don’t get through, even if they’re laid out in plain words, plain, factual textual information that couldn’t be clearer, even when the obvious goes unsaid. There is no obvious to them.‘
My friend replied, ‘Yes. Those people are always better off, because they live in a fantasy world. They don’t see the depressing realities. There is no escape for us. All the issues they have mean nothing, because the fact 99.99% of people are relatable to them makes up for it. They don’t live in a hell. That cringe would not be as prevalent. Any fear or cringe for the 0.01% is unjustified.’
My friend continued in a voice message, ‘You know, it’s like, imagine that secondary school were an incubated environment full of people like that, 1,000 people like that, and then everyone else in the world was people like us. Let’s say you went in that school, in that incubated environment, was bullied and assaulted by all the students, I don’t know, raped, whatever. Let’s say it was loads worse than secondary school actually was and gave you a terrible outlook on people.
As soon as you step out of school and see that the rest of the world, 100% of people, other than the people at school, are like us, it would just change. All the damage: it would all go away, as soon as you learn that all these people are not like that.
To them, everyone is relatable. It would be like [we are to each other], the way they can relate to people. If everyone else, other than those people who did that to you, proved to be relatable or like us, then the issues would go away. You’d be going out. You wouldn’t have any problem. … So these people are delusional. They just live a complete lie. These people, just… They live a lie.‘
I replied, ‘Exactly, 100%. That’s what the psychologist fails to understand, thinks that current people are not like that, but she’s wrong. They are like that fundamentally, because they all have the social mindset.‘
At age 21, I stated in a voice message:
‘It’s actually awfully ironic, because those with the social mindset, when they get bullied, they conform. They change into what the bullies want them to look like, act like, etc., but they still get affected, upset. It still upsets them, sends them into depression and that kind of stuff, even though they’re conforming and even though the bullying is probably much less than what I had.
So it’s similar to the dynamic with parents, other adult figures that get sent into the most hysterical arguments and fights because we don’t conform to what they want; the same takes place with bullying, so my theory is that you had more of that approach to bullying and is part of what led you to not get as bullied as I did.
But because of my differing response of not giving into their bullshit, just like I describe in regards to my parents, it continues, and it just inflames and makes it a million times worse, like when my mum suggested I stop wearing that coat to school. Because I’m not doing that, it perpetuates it.
I mean, I guess it’s like makeup. I guess it’s like when people criticise people for their facial appearance, and then they put makeup on in response to that. It’s like these ridiculously small, trivial things that get blown up into this massive deal, like “Oh my god. I’m bringing hell upon myself by refusing to stop wearing a coat.”
It’s the most trivial fucking thing ever, and yet somehow, I’m bringing hell upon myself by not doing that, so that’s really the nature. It’s like these incremental little conformations that people have to do, those with the social mindset, in order to make their way and not get bullied or just get a career, get anything in life.
I’m certain that’s part of why bullying was not as big a deal for you as it was for me, but those are the kind of things I didn’t do, because I shouldn’t have to, and that’s what I stated, even back then online, I used to say. How stupid would it be to have to take off a coat to stop bullying?
So anyway, I refused to do anything I felt like I did not actually have a logical reason to need to do. Just like I describe: I mention about how it’s always about joining in their game. In the bullying world, it only gets dealt with when you do what they do.
The advice to “ignore them” is the opposite of the truth, because I mention that you have to speak their language, because the practical method doesn’t work. Practicality does not get computed by these people.
Not caring about what they do does not make them stop doing it. It’s the opposite, so when they pull you into those games – it doesn’t even matter what it is, if it’s bullying or if it’s just regular guilt-tripping from parents, authority figures – they won’t stop until you conform to their expectations, to what they want.
Even your own family guilt-tripping you about grades or tablets or whatever it may be, they want to see – they’re expecting – something from you. They’re expecting, so it’s you not conforming to that that causes them offence.
And even on this same page, I mention how when you don’t take friendly insults, you’re seen to be in the wrong. They take offence, basically. They consider you “weird”, or they consider you difficult by not taking to their actual harm, even if it’s physical, punching. I got punched by [one peer] who then apologised after.
By not taking to that sort of treatment, which is physical harm, you’re seen to be doing them harm. You’re seen to be offending them, and it’s basically the same dynamic with paranoid schizophrenia. It’s the same thing going on. You could do nothing wrong, and they’ll still take offence from it. They’ll consider you to have caused them harm or done them harm.
Same thing happens with parents when you just don’t take a fucking tablet or whatever it may be; they consider you to have wronged them. Even by not socialising, even just the fact of me not wanting to socialise with anyone or not wanting to socialise with my family, they see me as not being appreciative of them, when I have no reason to, no obligation whatsoever.
Obviously, in the real, practical world, I have no obligation to talk to anyone, but they think I do, and they expect I do, and then that disappoints them. They think I’m doing them wrong, that I have intent behind my actions that means that I dislike them or that I have things against them, when actually, the default, in the animal world – there’s no emotion behind it, no intent behind it – the default is just to not interact, so that’s why they’re in the wrong.
But the same thing happens with bullying. The same thing happens with friendly insults, family, authority figures, and the same thing happens with bullying. If you don’t speak their language, if you don’t react, they take offence, or they enjoy it as a threat-proxy and continue.
It’s all about that conforming. You have to conform to what the family wants, conform to what the authority figures want, conform to what the friendly-insult banter people want. If you conform, if you play along with their jokes… it’s not even that the treatment stops; it continues, but people conform into it, and they meld into it. They become part of it.
So it’s the same with bullying. They become bullies. That’s basically what happens, isn’t it? If you get bullied, you become a bully. If you get friendly-insulted, you become the friendly insulter, and then if you get guilt-tripped by family, you become what the guilt-tripping was about. You conform to it.
So it’s all about conforming. If you don’t conform, schizophrenic paranoia takes place; false belief of intent to harm takes place.
Of course, the reason I did not do that is because I lacked the social mindset, so the only way you can do that is if you have the social mindset, because it’s conforming. It’s illogical behaviour that you really, in a rational world, would not need to be doing.
So just like I say on this page, the logical option, when someone’s trying to harass you online, is to not react and literally to go about your business, because that’s the essence of not caring. If it doesn’t actually affect you, harm you, the essence of that state of affairs is to go about with your business and continue.
But of course, the [school peers] didn’t take that message. They don’t understand the obvious; they don’t understand logic, so they continued, and obviously, even if I did respond, it’s not like it would’ve gone away; it would just be the only way you could be socialised or the only way you could integrate into the social group.
So you basically have no choice; you either integrate into the social group, or you suffer. You basically cannot be an individual. You cannot live alone. You cannot just go about your business.
Obviously, there are other means, like blocking people or just going at it for so long that they literally do give up, and that’s what my parents have done, what these school figures have done – took them years, but they eventually learnt – but that’s my point. If you bring yourself to their attention, they will continue their tactics, expecting them to work.
So you have no choice once you’re in their realm, once you’re in their vicinity. You either conform, or you suffer the consequences of that, and obviously, I went the route of suffering the consequences, because I didn’t have the social mindset that allowed me to conform.
And that’s part of the theory as to why I got bullied so badly, and you did not, because obviously, you retain more of the social mindset such that you were pursuing school subjects, getting the grades and had a drive to do so that I lacked at that time, because I just wasn’t conforming. Because I wasn’t conforming, I was getting bullied more.
Obviously, the default [of animals] was that I shouldn’t have been doing effort towards any grades in the first place, but that non-default of having the drive to do the grades, which is obviously instilled into you from parents and figures all around, got whisked away more quickly.
It got whisked away more quickly and got chipped away more quickly because of my lower social mindset, precipitating higher bullying and therefore drilling in the idea that this was all pointless and that I just had no reason to be wasting all this effort trying to get grades when all of this was going on.
It was all happening much more quickly for me, more slowly for you, same with the family situation – so many examples on the site – but I formerly mentioned how every time I showed recordings of arguments with my family to others, they always had the same reaction, time and time again; they always went on about how it’s so “scary” and how intense the arguments were, because it never reaches that level with them, because they conform. That’s the only reason, and I’ve figured that out now.
And it’s the exact same reason the bullying went to the degree it did with me, because I did not conform. You either conform, or you suffer. That’s it, and it’s not a choice. It’s just my neurology that forced me not to conform and everyone else’s neurology that forces them to conform.
It’s not in their control; it’s out of their control, and it was out of my control, so that’s just how it was, but the point is, that’s what’s at the root. That’s what’s at play here, and it’s clear as day – all the examples on the site line up now – that that is the reason why I suffered what I did and why you may have suffered less of what you did.
I mean, it doesn’t really have anything to do with anything else, really. It doesn’t have to do with the age or “boys being boys”. It’s really just the vicinity; it’s just the sheer number of people, because basically, all you had to do was be put in amongst hundreds of boys, and then that was it.
When you’re put among that many people all competing for friend groups, all trying to make friends and all that, putting them together every single day and literally fostering, festering, incubating an environment for them with predefined breaks, break times and lunch times, purposely set aside for them to interact without any people watching over them, actual crowds of people all huddling together, hundreds and hundreds of students all crammed into this single arena – that’s basically what it was, an arena for bullying – there was no other outcome, basically.
It doesn’t even matter their age, really. The same thing would happen in a drunk adult party with alcohol, a typical adult party, the exact same thing. If I got put in the middle of that, the same treatment would occur. You just know it. It doesn’t matter how old they are, basically. The age part’s more or less irrelevant.
It’s just the sheer number and the environment, the setting, the dynamic, the test environment, the Petri dish. It was basically like a Petri dish for bullying. That’s what it was.
If you put that many people together in those circumstances, you basically see the effects of the struggle to conform. You see the effects of the unconscious thought appropriation all taking place among everyone, everyone bullying everyone else into submission. Of course, what happens to the ones who don’t submit? They don’t take kindly to them, so it just increases and increases.
Basically, when you don’t submit, the pressure to submit, just like the pressure from family, from everyone around: they increase their efforts. They increase their efforts to submit you, but of course, they’re fighting a lost cause.
They’re increasing their efforts against a mechanism that does not meaningfully exist in myself, so it never would’ve worked, but they wouldn’t have been aware of that, so they would’ve just increased and increased and increased their efforts.
They are not in control, weren’t even aware of what they were doing or why they were doing it, completely out of their conscious control, and it just wouldn’t have worked. They had no control over what they were doing, and I had no control over my lack of response to it, my lack of conforming in response to it. I had no control over that, and they had no control over why they were doing what they were doing.
It’s like putting bacteria in a Petri dish. That’s why it’s exactly like that, and that’s basically what happened. That’s why it got to the level it did, that’s why I had to leave the school, and of course, it’s exactly the same reason why people like [two school friends] did not understand the situation.
Funnily enough, [one of these friends, the one with milder Asperger syndrome] would be very vocal about how he did not understand the whole bullying issue, didn’t understand why it was an issue, even though he was bullied himself.
Basically, it’s what happens when you lose perspective, when your perspective becomes the bullies’ perspective, because they’ve appropriated the bullies’ thoughts and opinions about themselves. When that becomes what your perspective is, then you just lose all rationality; you lose all third-person perspective, and you just get sucked into it. You just get sucked into the group, sucked into the social group, and their opinions about you become your own opinions about you.
So you no longer have that perspective, and you no longer see what they’re doing and what they’re saying as as illogical as it is, just like how you no longer see alcohol consumption as as illogical as it is from a third-person perspective, because your views been replaced by who you’ve been exposed to; same with makeup; same with nearly any other social-mindset practice; same with bullying. The same thing happens.
They don’t see how stupid they look anymore or how logical their perspective would’ve been were it not for them appropriating the views of the bullies, so that’s why people like [the friend with milder Asperger syndrome] responded in that way.
That lack of understanding is a prime social-mindset behaviour and a prime example of the dynamic that was taking place, the unconscious thought appropriation, where they appropriated this whole social-value thing, this status thing, and I just didn’t, just didn’t give a shit.
So I only cared about what they were doing to me on a practical level. I never appropriated their opinions. All those people who told me to block them – most illogical thing you could ever think to do; just block me if you don’t like me – but they wanted to start shit, because they got offended, and that’s how it is.
Just like how they wanted to start shit, when they didn’t have to, the only way to deal with it in the social world is to start shit back, basically, to respond in a way that they understand, to respond in their language, and it was because I simply didn’t do that. I don’t conform. I just react as an animal would, as the wolf would, as we say, using that example.’
At age 21, I stated:
‘Yes, and [your commitment to the school is] what led you to argue with me about academic attainment that one time. You were more committed to the school. That’s the explanation.
When you lack that, there’s no counteracting drive to stay there or see people there in a good light. It just becomes a pointless hellhole that you feel you don’t need to be in, and it’s nothing to do with believing opinions or caring what people think; it’s innate threat perception.
When you get tripped up or shoved around constantly or punched, and you lack the social mindset to my degree, that takes precedence; that becomes the highlight, the forefront. Everything else is minor.
Attainment stops mattering; friends stop mattering; all social-mindset features stop mattering, and the one thing that isn’t a social-mindset feature remains to matter: innate threat perception, so that becomes the highlight, and it stops me having a desire to be there or exert any effort towards it and becomes the main point of memory from the school.’
Pleasure from negative opinions about oneself (friendly insults, ‘roast me’s, etc.)
Neither of us have this feature.
As mentioned in the previous section, there were two instances that I remembered having exhibited this feature in childhood: one at around ages 11–15 towards a friend I had with Asperger syndrome and a second at ages 15–16 to the girl I had the most romantic feelings for in my life. In both instances, the acts were minor and rare in frequency, but they serve to represent the presence of this feature in childhood.
At age 20, I stated:
‘People think everything is “friendly jokes” and use it as a justification to abuse people. My life has the proof that it stems out of the bullying mentality. It’s the exact same one, because [a school peer] bullied me in 2011, [another school peer] too, exact same thing, and then they tried becoming friends. The banter mentality is interchangeable with the bully mentality. It’s just a small hallmark of the greater bully mentality and bully “friendships”.
Just look at that post, friendships being composed of entirely insults, and everyone in the comments agreeing. All of those specifics aren’t that important; it all just hints at the greater picture, which I already knew, falls neatly in line with it.
It’s the fact you get publicly chastised if you fail to accept the insults, like you’re in the wrong, like it’s wrong for you to not want to accept being insulted or physically harmed. They make you seem like the idiot and them just “having banter”.
It completely flips the moral compass of society, complete reversal of what is right, since they are the ones causing actual physical harm, and you’re doing nothing wrong, not harming them. Purely by way of your not accepting of their treatment, they take offence, as if you’ve done something to harm them, when you haven’t. All you’ve done is not accept their harm.
There was that time [a third school peer] punched me hard in the stomach, just invaded and then did it. It was a massive blow, which caused pain that lasted for about 10 mins, and he just said “Sorry” afterwards, as if he didn’t mean to do it that hard, when he shouldn’t be punching people in the stomach in the first place.’
At age 19, my friend sent a YouTube video titled ‘What friends are for’ showing a compilation of harmful behaviour between friends and stated, ‘To think that is friendship. What the actual fuck? That was bully behaviour that I was on edge about constantly. That video actually triggered [metaphorical] PTSD memories of being around fuckers like that. What hell.’
At age 19, my friend stated:
‘Can you imagine you going on Facebook and posting “Roast me”? Imagine what that must entail.’ I replied, ‘Exactly. It’s nonsense. What sort of a use of your time is that? What would you hope to get out of that? That’s why I say they must feed off it, off being exploited or put down.’
My friend replied, ‘It wouldn’t mean anything to me. Firstly, I can predict what their opinions would be, so there’s nothing to gain, nothing new to see, but also, anything they say wouldn’t mean anything to me, because I know why they’d be saying it.’
References
- ^ Jim Can't Swim (2019-07-03). "The Psychology of Ted Bundy - YouTube". YouTube.
- ^ "Zoosadism". Wikipedia. 2020-05-04.
- ^ "[Serious] Prison Guards of Reddit, which prisoner has left the biggest impact on your life wether positive or negative? : AskReddit". reddit. 2018-06-20. (Archive version from 6 November 2019.)
- ^ "Zoosadism". Wikipedia. 2020-05-04.