Fiction

I do not consume any fiction. I never watch fictional films or TV series, nor do I read fictional books or play video games; I consume non-fictional content only. I had always been far less interested in fiction than non-fiction.

My friend has a similar disparity in interest, however he occasionally watches certain fictional films or TV series to this day.

We were both heavily exposed to fiction from birth.

Films

I have not watched a fictional film from start to finish since around age 15.

Throughout my life, I rarely went after films.

The number of fictional films I have watched from start to finish in my lifetime are probably somewhere around 10–15, while those I’ve watched a significant portion of are probably closer to 20.

Films I would watch as a child were mostly those put on by childcare workers or school teachers. I never particularly enjoyed these, but I considered them something to pass the time. Outside this, I essentially never went after films. There was one film I watched myself at age 11 to test whether I could torrent a film.

At age 14, in response to an online Q&A question asking, ‘What movie inspires you?’ I replied, ‘None.’

At age 14, in response to another online Q&A question asking what my favourite Quentin Tarantino film was, I replied, ‘I don’t know who that is, but presumably, he’s a director/producer, but I don’t watch movies much anyway, so none.’

The last film I can remember watching from start to finish was The Interview in late 2014 or early 2015. This was at the start of my politics research spree, and in the wake of the hacks on Sony, I wished to see what North Korea was considered to be angry about. I did not watch the film for any other reason than to see its content, and I did not find it entertaining nor funny.

My friend continues to occasionally watch certain fictional films to this day, though typically only when he is ‘put in the position’. He has stated that he ‘watched 2 films within 3 years at university’ but would watch ‘100+’ in the same time at home.

At age 16, I stated, ‘Lol, I don’t know much about films.’

At age 17, I stated, ‘I don’t have time for films. It will never work with me, so never mind. I actually have little time for any pop culture anymore. The radio is on at home in the background, I follow BBC news, and I watch YouTube. That’s it.’

At age 19, I stated, ‘I know nothing about films, and I’m glad about it. They’re cancer, wastes of time, much ado about stuff that isn’t real, isn’t useful.’

At age 19, I stated, ‘I just didn’t watch films, tried to avoid them even in childhood, wastes of time.’

At age 19, I stated, ‘I’m quite sick of hearing about Netflix as well, as if I wasn’t already sick enough of hearing about films. I do not get why 99% of people have these ridiculous emotional attachments, whether it be to animals or to fictional characters.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘I don’t find films funny, because I know it’s all not real.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘Orphan is one of the few films I’ve watched from start to finish, once again, only because I walked into the situation, unknowingly, with my whole family about to watch it in the living room, and just stayed for the sake of it, several years ago [in 2013].’

In response to my friend describing the film as good, I stated, ‘When I think about bringing myself to call Orphan a good film, I cringe, because I just don’t see films that way, can’t define what good is in film terms.’

My friend replied, ‘They were relevant films to my life that sparked a good chain of thought and ones that make their way into my memories and pool of associations. They have to strike some form of chord.’

I replied, ‘Yes. No film has done that for me. … No, I don’t think I can relate strongly to any kind of fiction.’

In response to my friend describing not wanting to be associated with people who like fiction to a regular degree, I stated,

‘It’s not really an association thing for me, though. I just genuinely can’t get that interested in films. I’ve never been able to grasp the ability to sit down and watch 1 or 2 hours of whatever it is in the film. The length is something that bothers me particularly. It’s not bitesize at all like YouTube.

In my current situation, I generally watch YouTube only when I’m eating, because the plate blocks easy access to the keyboard. I quite simply plan to never ever go to a cinema or theatre again [which I had only done so a few times in early childhood].’

At age 20, I stated, ‘[Someone] tried asking me if I was into Marvel after I’d already said I don’t watch films. I [have never been] like that. I was the polar opposite. I hated the superhero fandoms and movies as a whole.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘Yes, I find those [horror] films stupid. Watched a Final Destination in, like, 2010; found it stupid, as if I don’t find all films stupid.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘I don’t know anything about Western films or actors, but I probably would be familiar with their names, due to constantly hearing them, but I wouldn’t be able to match name to face.’

TV series

I have not watched a fictional TV series from start to finish since around age 15.

As a child (going back to earliest memories), upon seeing a fictional TV production, the first thing I would do was ponder how the show was produced. I would wonder how a certain scene was animated or how a certain special effect was produced; I would wonder how it came to be that the actors had shown up and dressed in certain costumes.

In general, the more colourful a show was and the more there was going on, the more I enjoyed it. I disliked shows in which the main point was a story that would be told from the start to the finish. It was the shows that didn’t have a story or were simply nonsense colours, lights and sounds that I enjoyed the most.

These spread roughly evenly across both animation and live action rather than being more represented in either. For example, several animations would be primarily comprised of still scenes involving true-to-life interaction between two or more individuals, in order to teach some moral theme. Likewise, several live-action shows were filled with bright colours and silly acts in quick succession.

At around age 5, I distinctly remember being captivated by a Teletext service and its bright colours and apparent information density, despite not understanding any of its content.

At ages 8–13, I began to watch a lot more non-fiction shows, such as game or talk shows. The commonality I observed among the fictional shows I enjoyed around this time was again that I enjoyed them the more silliness and absurdity they had, the more they trampled on the idea of sticking to a coherent fictional storyline.

The more a show tried to go left in a given expected fictional storyline, the more I enjoyed the fictional show. As such, I hated all soap operas. I considered them to be trying too hard to stick to a coherent storyline. The main remaining fictional show that I went out of my way to watch at this time was Family Guy.

I stopped regularly watching TV at age 14 and did not watch any fictional web TV series when online streaming became popular.

My friend continues to be able to enjoy certain fictional TV series to this day, in particular, soap operas.

At age 18, my friend stated:

‘Stranger Things: I just watched the trailer.’ I replied, ‘It’s one of those shows that is manically popular for no fucking reason. I can’t escape it now. It’s like a meme.’

My friend replied, ‘The start wasn’t bad, but then it got shitty.’ I replied, ‘Yes. It might not be a bad show, but there’s no reason why it suddenly gained a cult following. It’s the mentality, the follower mentality.’

My friend continued, ‘Its not the worst thing I’ve seen. Its nothing like the Big Bang Theory crap and all of those things like that, Hannah Montana.’

I replied, ‘I’m not talking about the quality of the show. I couldn’t care less about it. I couldn’t care less that The Last Jedi is universally seen as a really good film. I’m sick of seeing it in my face, seeing everyone talking about it.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘Adams Family is another one I’ve heard throughout my life. Still don’t know what it is or what it’s about and don’t want to know. I’m completely detached from fictional series and films.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘I don’t know. All I know is that she was watching a TV series.’ My friend replied, ‘… instead of researching. People and their TV series.’ I replied, ‘Yes. It’s dismal, and I’d never do it.’

At age 19, in response to a screenshot of a person stating on their social media profile that they love Netflix, my friend stated:

‘It’s the Netflix spectre again as well. When will it stop? Even if I watched Netflix regularly, I wouldn’t post it on a profile like that.’ I replied, ‘Yes, been seeing that non-stop for at least 4 years. Exactly; it’s a medium, not a product.’

I continued, ‘It’s like saying, “I use the Internet.” You make yourself totally unoriginal by saying it. It suggests they actually mean to say a product. By Netflix, they really mean horrible popular films and TV series.’

My friend replied, ‘Hahahaha, that’s a good one. It’s even more obvious than, “I have an arm”, because that might not be true, but them using the Internet [on a social media profile] is indisputable.’

I replied, ‘”I use the Chrome browser”, or “I love”; that’s what she said. She loves Netflix. It’s such mind-numbing thinking.’

Books

Neither of us read fictional books.

Fictional books would be read to me by family from the earliest ages and assigned to read in school assignments.

At around age 4, I was given a joke book by a family friend, and enjoyed this book in the following years. It had no storyline and was merely a compilation of clever jokes.

Similar to the effect with TV series and video games, I distinctly remember liking ‘nonsense poems’ around this time. When the poem contained no overall meaning, story or theme and was purely an experiment to create the most absurd, punchy lines possible, I enjoyed them.

From ages 8–13, I had an ability to write fiction. It was never something I pursued myself; rather, it started and was continued as a result of class assignments. I was considered to be good at it, and I was in the top of the class in creative writing at ages 9–10.

For a class assignment at age 8, I wrote a poem that was considered impressive for my age. It featured rhyming stanzas, alignment of the stresses and syllables and use of words like ‘nigh’. I was focused mostly on getting these features right for the assignment. My parents were highly impressed by my poem-writing ability, and I was asked to write ones specifically for them, which I did for a very short period before the motivation died out.

Rather, I was very interested in facts and fact books. The more colourful, absurd and information-dense a book was, the more I enjoyed it. I would read books such as Guinness World Records and picture- or fact-file-based astronomy books. At around age 9, I was gifted a glossy fact book by a teacher whose knowledge club I regularly took part in, often as one of only a handful of students there and sometimes as the only one.

At these ages of 8–13, my friend read many fictional horror books in his spare time.

At ages 11–15, in English lessons, the class was repeatedly given forced fictional reading assignments, and I began to increasingly resent these.

After age 15, I never read fiction practically ever again. My friend also has not read fiction since around this age.

At age 20, I sent a screenshot of a post from someone who told their boyfriend they had obsessive–compulsive disorder, which resulted in him reading a fictional book to ‘better understand it’, and remarked:

‘When I saw this, I dumped my head into my hands. I had no clue what it was, but turns out it’s a novel.

Why in the fuck are people using fictional novels to learn about medical conditions over actual medical resources?’

Video games

Both my friend and I have not played video games since around the age of 16.

I was exposed to video games from around age 5. My father bought me several PC games on two CDs at this age, including an action-adventure game made for teenagers. I completed all the levels of this game fairly quickly.

Similar to the effect with TV series and books, the games I enjoyed the most were those with the most raw visual and auditory stimuli, such as colours or complex sounds/music. One video game that was a twist on the asteroids arcade game took both of these aspects to an absurd level, with rapidly changing colours and synthesised sounds, and I loved this game.

At around ages 9–11, I became very interested in physics games, or any games that were based on a physics engine. I enjoyed these because I would constantly learn or be stimulated from the chaotic and unique paths and trajectories that would be taken, rather than seeing the comparatively reduced or slower-to-materialise possibilities one would see in a puzzle or strategy game.

Also at around age 10, I played a few massively multiplayer online role-playing games. I would use Cheat Engine to give myself invincibility or higher powers in some of these games.

At ages 10–11, I discovered websites that featured pre-hacked flash games with levels and abilities unlocked or extra abilities/features. I very quickly became interested in these. I occasionally heard about the viewpoint that hacks make a game ‘boring’. I did not understand this; rather, I found them to make the game far more interesting, as I was pushing the boundaries of what was functionally possible in the game.

At these ages, despite the hype from peers about games consoles, I was never interested in getting a games console (especially an Xbox or PlayStation). I did not understand why one would acquire a gadget that limited oneself to playing games and not allow you to do other things, such as a PC.

As a result, I purposely did not acquire a Nintendo console until the Nintendo DSi was released, which contained a camera and sound recording applications. I decided to get this for my birthday for these features; I considered it a precursor to a smartphone.

I still played video games on these devices, such as Super Mario games. However, I also used custom cartridges to install homebrew apps, such as MIDI tracker that I would use to make music.

At around age 12 or 13, my sister had a Nintendo Wii, and I patched Mario Kart Wii using Riivolution^[1] on an SD card to add extra, user-made levels, which we played together.

I stopped using Nintendo consoles immediately when I got my first Android smartphone at age 13. I did install a few games on this smartphone as soon as I got it, to see what the experience was like on a smartphone. However, I did not install games on any of my later smartphones.

The last major video game I played was a result of heavy peer pressure and was thus permitted by my latent social mindset. At age 15, a school peer who had befriended me repeatedly encouraged me to play a first-person shooter with him. I declined for what probably amounted to months, telling him it was not the sort of game I was interested in, before finally accepting due to the knowledge that there was no practical harm in playing a video game to see what it was about. We played this game for a few months from then on. I stopped playing when I got repeatedly banned for using cheats.

Both my friend and I have not played video games since around the age of 16, however my friend experimentally developed a game in Unity at age 18.

All fiction

At age 14, in response to an online Q&A question asking what questions I hated answering, I replied, ‘Anything about books, films or TV.’

My consumption of remaining fictional media virtually entirely came to a halt when I began my first major research spree after leaving secondary school. I considered that, since I was still engaging with fictional media for what were most often non-fictional reasons, I now had a newer and greater path to pursue non-fictional information, and as such, I considered that I could never look back to investing my time in fiction.

At age 18, I stated, ‘I never associated with [Harry Potter]; never saw it, never read it.’

At age 17, my friend stated:

‘Just found Game of Thrones in German. Might actually watch it now, this fucking bullshit program people are always on about that I refuse to watch, because it will waste my time due to easy addiction.’

I replied, ‘I wouldn’t enjoy it, because it’s fiction.’

At age 18, I stated:

‘Disappointing that Star Wars is infecting people’s minds once again with the release of a new film. I can’t understand people who watch fiction over non-fiction. It’s something that bugs me and that I can’t understand.’

My friend replied, ‘But it’s a children’s programme, and it isn’t even interesting or exciting. I have never watched Star Wars, but I saw a snippet once.’

I replied, ‘I never even chose what I watched when I was a child. It was just what was on TV, before better things were accessible to a child like me. Same, never watched any major film franchise.’

My friend continued, ‘I have watched Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings but a while ago.’ I replied, ‘Never seen or read Harry Potter, except a snippet. Again, it’s only been snippets, inadvertently.’

My friend continued, ‘My childhood film knowledge is shockingly bad. The Christian girl was in shock at how little I knew about Disney, but it transpires that yours is even worse.’

I replied, ‘Haha. I hate that, when they’re in shock. When I say I’ve never watched Harry Potter, it’s like I fucking killed someone.‘

My friend replied, ‘Yes, perfectly normal to me. I explained that I had a different childhood to most. My mum made me watch history programmes in a play pen. Didn’t get time for children’s films.

I like fiction films sometimes, especially thriller and suspense. It is interesting to watch. It’s just gripping to watch, like some of those silly YouTube videos. I also like films that portray a love story between teenagers. Sometimes, I can draw many parallels.’

I replied, ‘I guess I’ve been disillusioned from films like that. None of them are ideal.

And I never watch fictional YouTube videos. I only watch ones where I can actually learn something, whether it be about what other people think or just hard facts. It’s gripping to know, and just so you know, I only watch it when I have nothing better to do, otherwise I’m editing and doing other things.’

At age 18, I stated:

‘I actually have less and less imagination nowadays. It’s been supplanted with real knowledge. I’ve lost creativity as I’ve learnt more. I used to be able to write poems; now I can’t write poems for shit, nor would I want to.’

My friend replied, ‘I have no imagination.’ I replied, ‘Yes. I’ve lost almost all my political positions as I’ve learnt about the world. It’s a common pattern.‘

My friend replied, ‘Why support anything? Sit back and observe. That’s why I hate protesters and all that shit.’

At age 19, I stated:

‘Harry Potter’s always been damaged in my mind. It’s one of those things that I’ve been constantly bombarded with all my life but have resisted, like Star Wars.

I get a lot of those things, things I’m bombarded with for a long period of time but which I successfully resist. A more recent one is “Game of Thrones”.’

At age 18, my friend stated:

‘Only their art skill have I ever been able to compliment, which I’d be able to probably replicate anyway.’ I replied, ‘Exactly. It’s never outstanding or ingenious. They just copy other photos. There’s nothing innovative about their art. They just draw as some kind of “therapy” or something.’

My friend replied, ‘It is, stress relief, apparently. They sit there quietly and draw and hum. It’s never anything productive.’ I replied, ‘Yes, ridiculous in my eyes, could never be relieved in that form.’

My friend later stated at age 19, ‘I will never understand drawing. It’s ridiculously unproductive, like, ridiculously, when I could be learning or absorbing information or bettering myself.’

I replied, ‘Exactly. It’s quite funny, because a lot of the things basic people do are things I dipped my foot into in very early childhood and then stopped. It’s funny how I’ve noticed that new pattern.

I was drawing when I was 5, 6, 7, 8, etc.; I was using photo filters when I was 9 and 10, but these people just continue doing it for life, like they’re stuck with the mind of an 8-year-old. Playing video games is another one.’

I later stated, ‘You know, it’s funny how creating art or media is just a given for other people, but they don’t realise it relies on faith in other people, and when you don’t have that, i.e. me, you lack that drive totally. It becomes pointless.

You hear people saying all the time, “I made this to express my feelings”, etc. etc., but they made it because they have faith that other people will understand it/appreciate it/not lash out at it.

They made it because they consider it worth people’s time, otherwise they wouldn’t have made it. You wouldn’t make it if you were the only person on earth; you wouldn’t make it if you thought no one was worthy of the time it took you to make it, that no one could offer any meaningful response or that the backlash could be too much and outweigh any benefit of doing it.

That’s the unique position I’m in, and it truly is unique, at least in my entire observable sphere. I have a unique vantage point that they don’t, and it’s allowed me to see exactly why people do things and why I don’t.’

My friend later stated, ‘Art anhedonia is key for disliking makeup, tattoos and body modifications, art, fashion, photography and scenery anhedonia, any form of visual art.

Whatever feeling they get, I don’t have. Where they talk about something being beautiful or aesthetic, I do not appreciate it at all.

The emotion isn’t there for me, and they get this massive, rewarding emotion from makeup and clothes as an art, on top of the caring about others seeing the art. That’s a filthy combination.’

At age 19, I stated:

‘Tired of Harry Potter. Why does everyone have to have watched that one franchise? Whether the liking is real or not, it doesn’t matter. They were introduced to it only because everyone latched on. There are probably things out there they would like a million times more.’

My friend replied, ‘I first watched it in 2017, and it was only because it came on my nan’s TV, which is constantly on in the background, so I couldn’t miss it.’

I replied, ‘I’ve only ever watched snippets.’ My friend replied, ‘Same, basically. I only have a general gist of the story.’ I replied, ‘Yes; don’t recite it to me lol.’ My friend replied, ‘I won’t.’

At age 19, I stated:

‘I will never get how people are interested in Star Wars or any fiction for that matter.’ My friend replied, ‘Same. Children’s programme.’

I continued, ‘The only reason I watched Doctor Who [from ages 7–12] was because it was encouraged as a family event. I never collected merchandise like some of the crazies do, never commented on Doctor Who on a single online site, yet there’s [my girlfriend at the time] with some dark-robed figure carrying a light saber on her bookshelf.’

My friend replied, ‘Stupid. I have nothing in my room, nothing: no posters, nothing on the walls, no ornaments, no items of collection. It’s just a blank room with a computer.’

I later stated about Doctor Who, ‘The whole reason I ever sat down on that sofa and watched it is because my dad would shout the house down with, “It’s Doctor Who! Come downstairs!” and everyone would pile into the living room as a sort of ritual, so it was my dad’s interest in it more than anything that led to me watching it.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘I’m not good at any general knowledge games, because they involve pop culture and films.’ I replied, ‘Yes. A lot involve films and TV or books.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes, which I know 0 about.’ I continued, ‘If it’s fiction, I don’t care.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘It’s always It, [my ex-girlfriend’s] favourite film.’ I replied, ‘But you know, these films: they’re practically millions of people’s favourite film. All these things, I’ve heard a million times before: Undertale, The Office, It.

I’ve heard it all a million times before. It’s a broken record. They’re so unindividual and unoriginal, it’s painful. They wouldn’t have been saying It before the 2017 reboot came out. You just know it. It’s because it’s a trend. They like what’s trending.

I actually knew of that Pennywise clown long before the 2017 reboot. I’d seen its visage in the earliest days of my Internet usage, knew the name Pennywise, but hardly anyone was claiming that as their favourite film or mentioning it, hardly anyone.

Only after 2017 did I suddenly see everyone talking about it and claiming to love it. It’s a trend, and I’m sick of it.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘What was the story about that Bird Box film? Why did it make the news or go all over YouTube?’ I replied, ‘I don’t know. I don’t get it at all. That angered me, just like “Chernobyl“, absolutely no reason for the hype.’

I continued, ‘[The Chernobyl disaster is] something I’d already learnt fully about as a child. I must’ve been only 11 or something. Just because some stupid fictional drama series came out, suddenly Chernobyl videos all over my YouTube suggestions.’

My friend replied, ‘Well, apparently, it’s about this world epidemic…’ I replied, ‘I don’t want to know.’ My friend replied, ‘No, it’s important.’

I asked, ‘Why?’ My friend replied, ‘Because it will lower your opinion of people even more to know that’s what they were obsessing over, if that’s what they were doing.’ I replied, ‘Can you just avoid that one thing of all things?’

My friend asked, ‘Why?’ I replied, ‘Because I’m glad I didn’t learn anything whatsoever about it.’ My friend replied, ‘Why don’t you want to know?’ I replied, ‘Because I pride myself in not knowing. It pissed me off greatly. I saw the wave, from start to finish.’

I continued, ‘It’s like Pokémon Go. It’s like asking me to know what Pokémon Go characters are or something. You haven’t given a good reason for me to know, laid out in full.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes; why doesn’t this apply to memes? You had a different mindset about that, that knowing was better.’

I replied, ‘What memes? The difference is you didn’t even know what you were looking at was a meme most of the time. My point is that I knew of the wave. I saw the trend from start to finish. That’s all I need to know really, that it’s a trend.

I really, really don’t want to know the details of a fucking film. It falls in the same line as Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc., all things I’m proud of not knowing about.’

My friend replied, ‘Can you tell me what you saw about the Bird Box thing? Because I don’t know, so I’m asking you to what extent you saw it and where.’

I replied, ‘Almost nothing, but a lot, a lot, of hearsay and screenshots, and memes. When I say nothing, I’m talking about the content of the film, not [the fact it was a trend]. Please separate those things.

That’s why I take that different position on memes. My point was that it serves to know when a meme is a meme so you can avoid, but it’s pretty impossible not to; you just have to be on the Internet and see how it’s a recurring trend. But this is different; you’re not asking me to know of a meme or trend, because I know the meme or trend. You’re asking me to know the lore.

Also, it’s fiction. It’s one of those things that has no weight in anything to do with me, no reason whatsoever for me to know it, as opposed to, let’s say, Pepe the frog, which had a political role in the 2016 US election as a symbol of right-wing. Fiction has never really had any sway in anything. It’s always really been a bunch of people celebrating and lauding a whole bunch of nothing, and then the hype fades, and everyone goes back to what they were doing.

I’m deeply averse to fiction, especially mass-overhyped fiction, fiction that’s been rubbed in my face from every angle such that you couldn’t escape. Then you can take the argument that most memes are simple images, so there’s really not much to know, but Bird Box is a film, and Chernobyl is a TV series.

It also complies with why I watched The Interview in 2014, because of its real-life political role. I wanted to see what North Korea was so mad about. It had vested interest for me. I wanted to see just how insulting it was and what the political ramifications would be, if any. I didn’t watch it for entertainment whatsoever lol, had absolutely none of that, no relaxation and theorising of the plotline in an in-universe fictional style.

You talked about that Get Out film [which my friend called “excellent” and “one of the best” he’s seen]; I could still call a film well-made.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, well this is not. I just found out what it’s about.’ I replied, ‘I’ve done so well in not knowing this one thing. Just skip this one. I’ve done remarkably, given how much it was absolutely bombarded upon me, just like how I would not like to know the plotline of Harry Potter or Star Wars.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes. Does it make you feel good that you genuinely don’t know it? Does it make it feel like a testament to your lack of exposure?’

I replied, ‘No, not necessarily, but I just know that in an ideal universe, I didn’t have to know about it, so you telling me would ruin that. In an ideal universe, it should never have happened, never have been a thing, so currently, I’m closer to that ideal universe.’

My friend replied, ‘Well, unfortunately, that’s how it is with me and memes. That’s why I don’t want to know about them.’ I replied, ‘Fair enough. I get that then. Your position could only really come about from a complete lack of life experience with memes, inadvertent, that is, and I had that.’

My friend replied, ‘But you could argue that knowing about memes is more beneficial than the film, because it has a wider range, and therefore you can know whether someone [has the social mindset] or not if you see something that is a meme, but all you need to see is Bird Box. That’s all you need to know.’

I replied, ‘Exactly. I know what Bird Box is. That’s all I need to know. It’s all that serves my interests, knowing what it is and that it’s a red flag in a person.

The reason [the “oof” meme^[2]], for example, wasn’t an issue to me knowledge-wise was because I already knew about it. I knew what it was referring to right from when it started becoming a thing. I still don’t know why it became a thing when it did. I knew about Roblox since about 2009, actively avoided it. My sister is the reason I know what Roblox is, but I would’ve known regardless. Enough people exposed it to me.’

My friend replied, ‘I don’t know what Roblox is. I’ve heard about it, obviously, and I know what category it is in, but I have no idea what it actually is. I can’t picture the game in my mind, haven’t got a clue. I’ve never seen the game with my own eyes, so I don’t know what it looks like or any characters or the dynamics. It’s just a word, like Bird Box is to you.

I have a lack of exposure to a lot of things, like you do. There are things I’ve just never happened to look at, because I’m not part of the world that makes someone look at it.’

I replied, ‘Just like how I never played FarmVille or WoW [World of Warcraft] or LoL [League of Legends] or any other stupid game with no practical purpose. The purpose with [the first-person shooter] was to please [the school peer]. It took a lot of pressuring from him. He must’ve been going on about it for weeks or months before I actually finally played.’

My friend replied, ‘I played FarmVille briefly but not the other two. I’ve seen screenshots of the latter on Instagram and stuff.’

I replied, ‘FarmVille was nothing more than an annoying Facebook ad to me, which I’d disable at the first sight. I’ve seen WoW and LoL gameplay, but I couldn’t identify them from the gameplay alone.

That’s the thing; I was playing indie physics games no one’s ever heard of. I gravitate towards that which is practical, even if it’s not popular, while other people gravitate towards that which is popular.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘Still having to deal with “May the 4th be with you” posts, even 2 days later.’ My friend replied, ‘Never heard of it. It’s some Star Wars thing, I think. Disgusting. That’d be my guess.’

I replied, ‘Yes, it is, and I’ve seen it since Facebook 2012.’ My friend replied, ‘Never seen it.’

At age 20, in response to a video from a girl with autism about its representation in the media,^[3] I stated in a voice message:

‘She mentioned that she does interpretations, some kind of… I don’t know what the word is, theory videos about some fictional series. That is just the most unproductive possible thing you could ever do with your time. You’re just extrapolating a bunch of theories about something that isn’t even real. It’s fantasy; it’s a waste of time.

Also, how exactly do you get into something like [this fictional TV series], like, how? What, you just see it on TV as a child or what? I mean, how do you become so invested in that?

There must be a rational thought process that goes through the mind. When I’ve been talking about my studies, there’s a rational, predictable, reconstructible path of why I went through the paths of study I did. There’s a reason why I started with the subjects I did, and there’s a reason why I carried on with the next subjects I did, and it all leads on from what happened previously.

But these people: I can’t even imagine how they end up studying and investing themselves in fiction. I can’t imagine how that happens. Like, it means there’s a massive, massive fundamental rift in how they think, because it means their mind doesn’t have a natural tendency to want to question and understand the world around it.

It means… I don’t know what it means. I don’t know what their mind is doing. It means they’re seeing something on TV, and for whatever godforsaken reason, they’re investing themselves in some fiction work they’ve seen on TV. Like, there’s no practical thought involved there.

[About the creator of Ghostbusters:] “A love of ghosts and law enforcement“; nope, cannot relate. I mean, how can you get an interest in busting something that isn’t even real, seriously, and then devote your time and make massive productions related to it? I can’t understand these people at all.

I’m absolutely sick to death of hearing the phrase “Rick and Morty“. There really is a very, very close similarity with all these autists who pursue fiction, pursue developing series. There really is a strong similarity. Whatever it is they’ve got, I don’t have, and they all have together. It’s probably some unified root cause behind their “autism”, if you want to call it that, and my autism.

I’m very, like, not following when she’s talking about these fictional characters. It’s not really going into my head, because… they’re fiction, so it’s like, what am I going to do with this information? And then you think about how I’m just not taking this in, and then you wonder how this girl has an audience, how so many people look up to what she’s creating and look up to “fan theories” and descriptions of fictional characters.

I don’t understand them. Totally, totally alien mindset.’

At age 20, my friend asked, ‘Why do these people want to bring fiction to life?’ I replied, ‘No idea.’ My friend continued, ‘They need to wake up to reality, the reality of the world and their existence, and get out of fantasy land.‘

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I hate it when actors talk about the character rather than themselves. Something about it doesn’t compute.’ I replied, ‘Hahaha, yes: “Well, <character> is very shy. She does this and that.”‘ My friend replied, ‘Yes. It doesn’t compute. I expect to hear “I”.’

I replied, ‘It sounds like dissociative identity disorder, or imaginary friends, but imaginary friends as an adult is dissociative identity disorder. It sounds like they can slip into their alter at any moment.’

My friend replied, ‘Having said that, I just went to look up an example, and the actor is saying “I”, hahaha: “I say to <character> …”.’ I replied, ‘Wtf?’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘That’s why they’re able to watch fiction. We can’t, because it deviates from science. It’s some made-up scenario, and yet somehow, they’re able to spend any amount of time thinking about it, when it should instantly be dispelled. It shouldn’t capture any attention at all.

The reason why they’re able to watch fiction is the same reason why they’re able to just come up with and assume some opinion and not care about the underlying facts, and the existence or potential existence of an underlying scientific fact that might dispel the opinion doesn’t niggle away at them. That’s why they’re able to randomly assume something different.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘I’ve never found anime characters to be cute, never found that appeal. It just looks deformed to me. I don’t like eyes like that. I don’t like the almost lack of a nose. I don’t like the tiny jaw, the massive heads.

I really can’t be attracted to something that isn’t natural. It seems to be just that simple. I’m alone in this. I can see that they’re trying to be cute, but it’s just everything else around it that just ruins it.

I was exposed to anime, but I always rejected it as cringe. I think I was first exposed when I first starting using the Internet, in like 2008, 2007 even. Even though they got real diagnoses, at the end of the day, we can’t relate to autists, because even the males like anime.’

My friend replied, ‘It’s all a farce. It makes [autism] look pathetic.‘ I stated, ‘Yes. As I’ve always been saying, it writes off a whole bunch of the autistic community in my eyes, this love for anime.^[4] … I’m honestly sick of anime. I’m sick to death of it.’

I continued, ‘I don’t remember a time not thinking anime girls were annoying or just not cute. I was always aware they were trying to be; that was obvious, that the illustrators were trying to depict cuteness, but I just remember thinking it had failed and feeling disgust. I could never, ever, ever get an infatuation with an anime character or depiction, and that’s a big difference, because these anime fans could; they even have a term for it: “waifu”.

All anime images have something incredibly enraging about them, even the facial proportions, the hairstyles, the clothing. They are Japanese people drawing mostly white Western characters with weird Westernised clothing, and that pisses me off.

Why that one country? Why that one art style? Why can’t you just pursue an independent style, make it yourself, draw your own ideals irrespective of influences from some one particular far-flung subculture that millions of people have already latched on to?

How is it so prevalent as well? What on earth is the basis? I wish I knew. The basis can’t simply be liking cuteness alone; there’s way more to it that I don’t understand.

There’s some biological factor at work that I’m not getting. I should probably seriously set myself on working this out, compile a list of all the ridiculous subcultures and the single driving force behind them to try and figure out what it is, like Star Wars and Harry Potter.’

In response to a screenshot of comments by anime fans, I stated, ‘I understand none of it. It’s like they’re speaking a different language, a cryptolect, an argot, a cant.

Game of Thrones: forgot about that one. Stranger Things is another. Like, literally, I saw a new YouTube video from a girl talking about her autism, and she’s wearing a Stranger Things top. She also said she overeats as comfort, which got me extremely annoyed.’

My friend later stated at age 20, ‘I hate looking at anime girls, full stop. They don’t have a nose, and their eyes are too big.’ I replied, ‘Yes. They look grotesque. You once said you can see why they look cute.’

My friend replied, ‘I can see why, but they’ve gained associations now.’ I replied, ‘I can only see how the artist is trying to make them look cute. It’s such that I don’t find an anime girl cuter than a regular girl, so no, I don’t see how it’s cute.’

I continued, ‘I only know that the author is trying to make them look cute by accentuating stereotypical characteristics, like eye size and jaw size and head size, and trying to make them look like a baby. I don’t find babies cute, and it just ends up looking like an alien instead.’

My friend replied, ‘I can see why it appeals, but it doesn’t to me, because it’s not a real girl, so it’s futile. Also, it’s become annoying. The facial features now rub it in.’

I replied, ‘I’ve tried several times to look at a picture of an anime girl and feel the cuteness that others feel and not feel immediately pissed off, but I’ve never been able to do it. I’ve tried to see what others see. I don’t know what they see.

I don’t know how it makes them feel or what they like about it. I only know that they like it and vague extrapolations like, “It must be due to eye size and neoteny and whatever.”‘

My friend replied, ‘Yes, they do look like aliens.’ I replied, ‘I know there are some that depict a cultural/views/personality ideal concept, but I mean actually seeing cuteness rather than annoyance, actually getting any net good feelings off it at all: that’s never happened for me, so hentai is totally out of my comprehension zone.’

I continued, ‘For me, it always cancelled it out way too much. Any good is stomped on by the bad, the ridiculous embellishments, stupid trends or conventions or motifs like making the hair all shiny or the eyes, just everything about it.’

My friend replied, ‘It’s extremely cringy now.’ I replied, ‘I never got it, not in childhood and not now. I could circle everything I don’t like about one of those photos. … Those features are in most of the art, and I don’t like it at all. I mean, for goodness’ sake, they even managed to include that disgusting shit in there, fucking nail paint.’

I then sent an illustration of an anime girl sitting on a bench, sulking, with the superimposed text ‘Don’t blame me.’ I stated in a voice message, ‘I don’t get this. You know what it reminds me of? It almost reminds me of non-musical music in a way.

It almost reminds me of metal and stuff like that, the connotations that are forced over the top of what is really just a substanceless base. They’re trying to make up for the absent base with a whole load of associations put on top, but to me, I don’t see the associations, or I don’t really care about the associations. I care more about the base.

And see what the base is here: it’s a completely deformed, alien-looking girl with disgusting hair and eyebrows that fly off the head and disgusting eyes and a chin that’s way too small, absent mouth and nose, a jaw that goes way too far down the face, hair that’s way too shiny.

So that’s what I see. That’s the base. They don’t give a shit about that. It just doesn’t enter their brain, and instead, they pour on all these associations that try and compensate, try and make up for that to give the impression that it’s, “Oh, look at me. I’m trying to be a cute image.” That’s what they’re trying to say.

It’s trying to scream to the viewer, “Feel cuteness when you see this.” but it’s doing it through these overt methods that ignore the base, and they’re disingenuous. They’re just unnecessary.

It wouldn’t be necessary for me to find the photo cute to have all of those extra associations. It just looks so disingenuous, and it’s like they know they have to make up for it. It’s like they know they’re trying to make up for it.

And I don’t know what people see. I don’t know what’s wrong with them. I don’t know if the base is absent; I don’t know if it’s being interpreted in a different way, like maybe they do see that physical, anatomical girl as cute, or maybe they see the associations that have been forced on to the viewer; maybe they enjoy those associations. Probably, they do.

I wouldn’t even have had a problem with them if it weren’t for the obvious, blatant fact that they’re being used to make up for what is a grotesque base, a grotesque anatomy. I don’t know if it’s because it’s all social-mindset stuff, like they’re using social-mindset concepts to compensate for that, and that’s why it works on these people.

So what my point was is that they’re clearly trying to… I can see what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to portray that it’s… They’re trying… Ugh, I hate it. I hate describing what they’re trying to do, because it’s so ungenuine.

I hate describing it, because it’s me realising that that’s somehow working on people. It’s like describing something that should not exist. You know, I hate talking about things that should not exist.

I hate acknowledging, recognising, debating things that should not exist or that just make no sense at all or wouldn’t exist in a world of us, make no sense, just illogical stuff.

I just hate… God, I hate it. I hate this. I just hate it, because I’m trying to get out the words of saying, “I can see what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to make it look this and that and that, cute because of this reason, cute because of that reason”, but fundamentally, it’s not, and it’s such an insult that they’re doing that over an alien, basically, so it completely defeats the purpose, so it makes me sound stupid.

It makes me sound silly that I’m even saying, “Well, I can see what they’re trying to do.” because I can’t, actually. Yeah, I can see what they’re trying to do in theory, but the way it comes across is that they’ve got a base that’s -100, and they’re trying to force all this stuff on top, like making it look “cute” in this way, but it doesn’t; it doesn’t look cute, and then it brings it up to like, what, -50? Something like that, and it’s still a minus, so I still see it as a negative.

I still see it as an annoyance, because they haven’t compensated for the natural, normal, basic thing that is the subject of the picture. It’s a person, but it doesn’t look like a person to me. It looks like a fucking alien, so it completely defeats the purpose. That’s my point. That’s what I’m trying to say.

Like, how is that going to convey anything to me when that massive distraction is at the whole centre of the image? I mean, they’re trying to convey some human feelings, you know. They’re trying to make you relate to some sort of human emotion thing that’s going on, but it doesn’t look like a fucking human, so what’s the point? Defeats the purpose. It’s stupid.

And then it makes it looks like what I said about rappers [expecting the listener to enjoy their bragging, etc.], like they’re expecting and thinking that I would find this whole thing cute like they do.

They’re making it and publishing it under the pretence that “Oh, you’re going to find this cute as well. Look how cute this is.” That’s what I’m picturing them thinking when they’re illustrating this and then publishing it or reposting it or whatever.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I’m sick of this Star Wars Marvel Batman Superman Avengers culture as well, can’t relate at all. It’s all noise to me. Haven’t got a clue about the first thing they come out with.’ I replied, ‘Yes. Hate it.’

My friend continued, ‘I can’t actually bring myself to say the words “Star Wars” in front of anyone who doesn’t know me like you. It’s cringy. For instance, my nan asked what is on television tonight, and I said “some baby film” and faked hesitation. I didn’t not know; I had seen it on the television guide and remembered.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I hate that. I saw that sort of humour on lecture slides, where they’d cite some fiction or show some meme image, or use some analogy from Star Wars or something. It really just pissed me off. It stopped me from concentrating, because I was thinking about this and typing this out in your chat, so it was totally counter-productive to whatever effect they want.

I hate that whole making-lessons-more-fun-for-the-students culture, making the lessons more fun friendly and relatable, softening the facts by adding fictional humour. I have never watched any of the programmes, so I’m never going to understand what they’re talking about. It’s not funny. I don’t want to see it.’

I replied, ‘Hate that, hate seeing analogies from films. You mentioned people comparing themselves to celebrities; I rarely ever see that. It’s always films and film characters. It’s always, always film or series characters. Hate it.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘It’s funny how I can’t take animations of any kind seriously, video-game characters “speaking” or Disney films. I picture a Blender animation, a voice actor in a recording studio, a sound file. It’s obviously totally opposite to what [regular people] are thinking of. I can picture them now.

I just see it for what it is. I’m immediately thinking of how it was possible. I’m immediately thinking of how it might have been done and the axioms.’ I replied, ‘Exactly, every time.’ My friend continued, ‘Yes. The sound isn’t coming out of their mouth; I see it has a separate sound file, which it does.’

I replied, ‘But I’m the same with live-action films, exact same, any fiction now. Fiction can’t be processed by me.‘ My friend replied, ‘Yes. Do you picture the cameras?’ I replied, ‘Yes. I picture the set and the rehearsals and what they were told by the directors. I picture the special effects and the props and the extras and the cinematography.’

At age 21, I stated, ‘Clearly, anime becomes an outlet for the empathy, due to the perceived cuteness, when they can’t socialise or whatever. It’s this weird resolving to cute things, a resorting, when they can’t pursue other social-mindset empathetic things.’

At age 21, I stated, ‘It’s funny, because the stranger thing is the fact they’ve created a fictional series called Stranger Things, the fact that was allowed to come about in the human lineage.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘You know what? That is a phenomenon. It’s right, and it explains autism and anime. That’s it.

Remember all the times I’ve ever said the liking of anime in other people is slightly more tolerable than some other stuff I see in people, just as we’ve both said in the past that cats are slightly more tolerable, and in both cases, the disparity was higher for you?

For you, cats were completely tolerable, and you could understand seeing cuteness in anime, whereas for me, the line between cat and dog was negligible, and I basically had no patience for anime.

That’s part of the dynamic of the loss of the social mindset. Essentially, cats have the stronger resemblance to humans, so dogs will go before cats go, of course, but the same applies to anime for some reason.

It’s one of those things that lingers on slightly longer the higher up the spectrum you go, so it just so happens that for those with mild autism, it’s the main focus, cats and anime, but for us, who end up way, way higher on the spectrum, both have been left behind, along with almost all other social-mindset features, though more so for me than you.

The discrepancy between those things and other things is more visible for you but less visible to me, because I’m further. The difference in importance between them and other social-mindset features is more negligible for me and less negligible for you.

We’re seeing the actual effects of the resemblance to human behaviours and the linkage to the brainstem response as it happens, as it diminishes. We’re seeing the lower resemblance go first and the higher resemblance go later. Funny that.’

References

1. ^ "Riivolution - WiiBrew". www.wiibrew.org. (Archive version from 12 September 2020.)
2. ^ "OOF". Know Your Meme. (Archive version from 29 June 2020.)
3. ^ Toon Ruins (2019-05-01). "Autism Representation in the Media". YouTube.
4. ^ BBC News (2018-11-30). "Why do autistic people really love manga? BBC News". YouTube.

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