Educational institutions

Neither of us affiliate with educational institutions, systems, grades, qualifications nor degrees nor the culture surrounding them. We also consider them to have greatly hampered our knowledge acquisition.

I excelled in institutionalised educational settings up to age 11 and often outperformed the rest of the class. From ages 11–15, my grades in educational institutions progressively fell, and at ages 17–18, they were equally poor.

After a long period of wondering why I did not do well in educational institutions in later years, I realised that it was because I progressively lost the social appropriation of the value of pursuing social accolades, such as grades or degrees, for a societal career.

Additionally, it appeared to us that institutionalised education consisted of repeating factoids in a mantra-like style, on the wishes of teachers, examiners or family members, that were not relevant to the knowledge we felt we needed at the time, which pointed to the necessary involvement of unconscious thought appropriation in academic attainment.

However, a third factor sets a necessary context for understanding the rest of this section, which was the level of actual ability we observed in educational institutions (rather than academic attainment). This greatly contributed to our confusion at the societal valuation of educational grades or degrees by others around us.

Beginning at age 16, there were many instances of us expressing bewilderment to each other at the level of ability we witnessed. Due to the frequency of these instances, I began documenting them.

At age 16, I documented the following examples:

• ‘A girl and a boy pairing up both asked if China, India and Bangladesh are in Asia or the Middle East.’
• ‘One [college student] couldn’t spell “functionalist“, and the same one couldn’t name 1 continent, apparently.’
• ‘Why… is the person next to me on my table.. in business… asking me… how to spell “decision”?’

At age 17, I documented the following examples:

• ‘Sociology teacher didn’t know how to spell arson, said, “Arsen or arson?” The girls are actually debating whether it’s illegal to be sick in public.’
• ‘The sociology teacher just said “more stricter”. He just said “black ethnicity”.’

At age 18, my friend stated, ‘A year 13 asked another year 13 how to spell “inconvenient”, because they didn’t know how to spell it, and the person who helped them spelt it “incovinent”. How did either of them get into the school?’

Over the course of age 18, I documented the following examples:

• ‘”What’s a brewery?” Struggles to say “conglomerate”.’
• ‘Are you fucking serious? A girl did not know horizontal from vertical. A boy wondered why there was no opposite word to “inflation“; he didn’t know “deflation” existed.’
• ‘A boy didn’t know if “rational” had an “e” at the end, not knowing that there were two words, “rational” and “rationale”. I’m now compiling these into a group, a) because there are so many and so the record can build and b) so you don’t have to hear them.’
• ‘”How do they know we breathe out carbon dioxide?” “What if it’s all made up to make us more eco-conscious?”‘
• ‘”What’s a grocery?” “Oh, I thought it was like a bakery.”‘
• ‘”How does a semicolon work again?” “What’s parenthesis?”‘
• ‘”What’s genocide?” in sociology.’
• ‘The same girl [mentioned under the examples of age 16] asked how to spell “decision” again.’
• ‘The group on my table used “businesses” instead of “business’s”.’
• ‘”What’s sensationalism?”‘
• ‘”What are those things called?” “Arteries.”‘
• ‘Someone, I think, didn’t even know where Canada was on a map of the US, when it was right above it, and someone was confused between Washington state and Washington, D.C., the capital.’
• ‘Teacher says flame retardant: “Retardant? That’s a word?”‘
• ‘Opposite girl can’t pronounce “innovate”.’
• ‘”What is pop culture?”‘
• ‘Teacher: “Everyone’s made of DNA, deo-brrhrhbr-acid.” 2 students correct him. Teacher says, “Deoxy-ryhr- what [one of the students] said.” Not the shocking part. Other student: “How do people know this stuff?” with a frown on her face.‘
• ‘Business teacher didn’t know where China was, thought it was Russia; didn’t know where North Korea was, pointed to Taiwan.’
• ‘Girl struggles to pronounce “technological”.’
• ‘Girl couldn’t work out for 20 mins that 50/100 is 1:2 as a lowest ratio, instead thinking it was 5:10.’
• ‘I can’t imagine many others scoring higher than me. “What’s Vladimir Putin?” Sociology teacher: “He’s the President of Russia.” “President? Oh, I thought he was the dictator of Russia.” Case in point, not even “who’s” but “what’s”.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, “what’s”; I was going to say.’
• ‘”What’s coalition?”‘
• ‘Pronounces “New Vocationalism” as “New Vocalism”.’
• ‘A second girl asks the same question [“What’s a coalition?”].’
• ‘Girl has never heard of Estonia.’
• ‘Girl doesn’t know the difference between “effect” and “affect”.’
• ‘”What does “subordinate” mean?”‘
• “What’s democratic again? Sorry.”‘
• ‘[My sister’s] friend: “How do you spell authority?”‘
• ‘Girl in business doesn’t know what “efficiency” means.’
• ‘”Gratification.” “I’ve heard that word.”‘
• ‘Girl in business didn’t know how many zeroes made 2 billion.’

Our appraisal of educational institutions progressed as follows.

At age 16, I stated:

‘Some of those people are bathing in their A*s, because they’re so committed to the school and all its traditionalist glory. They love the school and the community.

Our eccentric skills do not get recognised in society. People who employ employ more for your looks, personality and other stuff. I want to be judged on my skill, but they get success and jobs, especially those in business, who get booming businesses with no value or skill.’

My friend later stated at age 16, ‘Why do people volunteer and do [The Duke of Edinburgh’s Award] and do things for the community and National Citizen Service? Why? I think it shouldn’t be allowed to increase your employability.

It should be done on productivity and intelligence, speed of typing, speed test of navigating a computer. It should not be done on personality.’

At age 16, my friend stated:

‘Never before have I seen such bullshit. He has a degree in computer science but didn’t know where the hard drive was in a computer. That’s just fucking sad.

What are qualifications these days? I can’t even enumerate how many times I’ve take apart my PC to diddle with the hard drive and SATA cables.’

At age 16, I stated, ‘I have no clues about university. I don’t know how it works or what benefit it gives.’

At age 17, I stated:

‘I hate watching this business teacher operate a computer. He tried frantically to tap the pause button on YouTube when the video window does the same thing.’ My friend replied, ‘Lol, or space.’

I continued, ‘And he got confused when it autoplayed the next video. He always lets it do that, never fixes it, never improves, and he once thought his smart board was crashing, but it stopped when he pressed Esc.’

My friend replied, ‘Pff. I hate people that never improve.’ I replied, ‘Yes, who don’t learn from their dumb mistakes. People go round in circles, round and round and round and fucking round.’

At age 18, I stated:

‘I’ve been looking at videos on YouTube of people telling about their university life. The boy in one talked about going out and getting drunk. A girl spent revision time watching “Game of Thrones” and listening to “George Ezra”, both shit.

None of them explained what you actually do in university, and a Google search surprisingly reveals nothing too, only questions about courses, choices.’

At age 18, I stated:

‘There are new posters and graphics across the interior of the college involving British values. It’s getting ridiculous.’ My friend replied, ‘There’s no such thing as British values.’ I replied, ‘Yes. It’s a made-up concept.’

I continued, ‘It’s part of a PREVENT anti-terrorism campaign by the UK government.’^[1] My friend replied, ‘But it will fail. Surely they know that. I think they’re taking advantage of dumb youths.’ I replied, ‘It’s obviously a last-ditch attempt to stop radicalism. They can do nothing else. It’s the only feasible option.’

At age 18, I was conversing online with a student in my class who had arrived from China to join the college. I stated:

‘There was a weird worksheet about China in sociology today.’ She replied, ‘What is it?’ I replied, ‘It said a lot of bad things about the Chinese government.’ She replied, ‘I know. That’s exactly what Western people learn.‘

I continued, ‘I found out it was written by a Chinese dissident. I told the teacher he should’ve shown where it came from instead of showing it as fact. The writer is actually banned from China.’ She replied, ‘😤 Exactly.’ I replied, ‘Don’t worry; I know the truth.’

She replied, ‘Thanks😭, but there are many people who are misled.’ I replied, ‘Yeah. He spoke to a table of girls about it, bad stuff.’ She replied, ‘Well, I don’t think birth control is ruthless🙄.’ I replied, ‘Yeah, but the teacher talked to the girls about “human rights abuses” and “Tiananmen square” and “democracy”, and “communism”.’

She replied, ‘Actually, in China, we all know that most Western countries are likely to teach their people wrong things about China.’ I replied, ‘Yeah. I’ve never seen it this bad, though.’

She continued, ‘… so, after I go abroad, I begin to become more patriotic😆, even though I used to complain about my government when I was in China😂.’ I replied, ‘Yeah lol.’

At age 18, I stated:

‘I just went over a course at a university, and I missed the part where it says learning an African language is part of it.’ My friend replied, ‘Would that be bad. Obviously, you know the natures of all the languages.’ I replied, ‘Yes, but I would hate a language course.’

I continued, ‘Besides, the only languages available are Yoruba, Hausa, Amharic, Zulu, Somali and Swahili. All have at least 10 million speakers, none of the interesting ones. I’d rather learn Defaka, an unclassified Niger–Congo language spoken by about 200 people in the Niger Delta.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes. Asian studies includes learning Japanese, I remember. Some nonsense.’

My friend continued, ‘The thing is, there’s nothing you’d be able to do but flaunt knowledge left, right and centre. You wouldn’t learn anything, so it’s futile but funny, but it’s a way to get your abilities recognised. I think that’s the main purpose of university for you.’

I continued, ‘As far as Asian languages go, I’d rather learn one of these orange languages [those of the Himalayas and western Myanmar]: diverse; broke off early from Sino-Tibetan [which includes Chinese]; hard to classify; spoken by individual tribes in the mountains; a few thousand speakers at most each. You can deduce from that that the ancestors of all Sino-Tibetans arrived from the India region.’

In response to my friend, I stated, ‘Exactly. I also had a look at what lectures are like. They look painful. It’s passive learning rather than active learning, and they form the main part of the course.’

My friend replied, ‘Exactly. You’re not actually going to achieve anything in those lectures. You’ll be forced to use a phone [to research], which will be slower.’ I replied, ‘Yes.’

At age 17, my friend stated, ‘I found myself explaining concepts of computer science to people today. It seems like there are many less experienced people than me on the course.’ I replied, ‘Yes. People all around us seem so stupid.’

At age 17, my friend stated:

‘[A former friend]’s views are bad, on terrorism. It appears we have moved apart in opinions slightly over the year. The comment below my big comment, I didn’t want to answer, because it would only trigger an endless argument.’

I replied, ‘Yes. When was that? It’s like he’s been left behind. We’ve progressed in knowledge about things, like terrorism, and moved on, while he’s been left behind at some point in time in Year 7.

That’s how I see people in college who know nothing about the questions they’re asked but answer robotically. It’s like year 2 all over again, mindless babble hoping to get a question right, then there’s me, with an extensive historical knowledge behind each question not even remotely covered by the courses.

I find people my age and older talking in the same way a 10-year-old talks about things.‘ My friend replied, ‘Yes. That’s what I thought, yes.’

At age 18 (2017), I stated:

‘In tutorial, we were mandated to do the most ridiculous task I’ve seen yet: government anti-terrorism training.’

I then sent a photo of an online ‘knowledge level check’ asking to rate one’s ‘knowledge and understanding of radicalisation’ out of ‘no understanding’, ‘poor’, ‘fair’, ‘good’ or ‘excellent’, ‘so [the tutors] know how to pitch this session’.

My friend replied, ‘Pahahaha. You’re not even on that pathetic scale. You wrote the Wikipedia page, no doubt.’

I continued, ‘On [the online learning service], there was a public post.’

The post read as follows: ‘Legislation: a law or set of laws suggested by a government and made official by a parliament. For example: In Britain, we have several legislations that protect our rights including our freedom of speech. Can you think of a sentence to use “Legislation” in? Click here to enter your sentence.’

I continued, ‘So obviously, I did the following.’

I then sent a screenshot of my entry to the prompt, which read as follows: ‘In Britain, current anti-terrorism legislation (including that responsible for the “British values” propaganda campaign within schools and colleges) is a reactive panic response to current events in international affairs (rise in populism, migrant crisis, Syrian–Iraqi civil war), caused by the US and UK invasions of Iraq (2003) and Afghanistan (2001) and the rise of both al-Qaeda and ISIS,

both in turn caused as a part of the shift of power blocs from US/Western and Soviet/Eastern to US/Western and Islamic/Middle Eastern in the 1980s and 1990s as a result of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in 1979, which was done to maintain the socialist Parcham government of Afghanistan against the uprising of Mujahideen Islamic fighters, which included members of al-Qaeda and the Taliban, some of whom received arms and aid from the US as part of the US’s ideological and power-oriented campaign against the Soviet Union,

and which was ultimately set out in significant part by the Sykes–Picot secret agreement of 1916, which defined the borders of the Middle East into those determined by the UK and France in order to gain geopolitical advantage and was performed during the fall of the Ottoman Empire in World War I.

My friend replied, ‘I hope you submitted it.’ I replied, ‘Of course I did.’

At age 18, my friend stated:

‘What I hate is where people get higher marks than me [in coursework] when they came into it with less knowledge. That is one of the things that puts me off of academia, along with all of the other associations. I hate it where people saw things for the first time and had to read the tutorials and all of that, whereas I knew all about it and more.’

I replied, ‘Exactly, which has been my point all along. Courseworks never assess knowledge or intelligence. They assess god knows what, people who can’t spell “Asia” getting higher grades than me, and you should relate, given what you’ve seen at university, the stupidity yet the good grades.’

At age 18, I stated, ‘I honestly couldn’t give a shit how badly I do in computing by this point. The coursework is impossible, and at the moment, I’m not seeing myself doing it with anything substantial.’

At age 19, I stated:

‘Bernard Coard, the same man our sociology teacher got us to read an excerpt on British racism from. Thank fuck for my Wikipedia knowledge, otherwise I wouldn’t have known that the extract students were being taught came from the same Marxist man who overthrew the Grenadian government.

It’s given me background knowledge on so many fucking things, it’s unreal. I told the sociology teacher about this fact – he was oblivious, didn’t know what to make of it.’

At age 19, I stated:

‘[Exam criteria] was a whole load of nonsense words talking about nothing. It was waffle. I had to try and guess what the examiners wanted, but the exact same problem recurred in college. I really did have problems interpreting exam criteria and what the examiners wanted.

I went over this countless times with all the teachers and my parents. I had out-of-classroom sessions for computing, even though I didn’t choose the subject. It didn’t matter about my skill in the subject, and this became proven during college, after my Wikipedia spree, because I had a lot of knowledge then.

The GCSEs and A-levels were not tests of knowledge; they were tests of how well you can guess what the examiners wanted, how they wanted you to word, what they wanted you to include and a bunch of other mystical things that were never explicitly laid out in a clear manner. Getting a grade, I learnt how much it is not in my own hands. Give me a quiz of world capitals; that is steeped in fact and is entirely in my capability, but GCSEs and A-level exams were not.

The time and effort I spent reading criteria and doing mocks – countless mocks I did, with wildly inconsistent grades – it just showed. It showed to me that something was greatly wrong in the process, because you know, and I know, my competence.

All I wanted was for someone in that establishment to tell me exactly what I was doing wrong, exactly what I was doing wrong as per each and every mock and each and every paper, but no; it wasn’t part of the system, and I did many, many mocks. I would do mocks and get results, and they would be wildly inconsistent, and I would beg that the feedback I got was going to be helpful, and rarely was it.

You don’t know how long it took me to decide on the maze game [for computing coursework], just to decide on something that would give me decent marks. That was a huge problem with the project. It took tonnes of dialogue with the teacher, every day, to come to that decision, and I’m sure it wouldn’t have given me great marks, the mere fact that there was more out there that could’ve given me greater marks but that it wasn’t made clear in the exam criteria or anywhere. It’s a retarded system.

I would posit things and get told that it doesn’t include something, so it won’t get me good marks. That’s what I got told about my maze game idea, but I was forced to have the idea adapted to include specific elements that the exam criteria specifically said would get me good marks. The fact that it couldn’t tell me what would get good marks right off the bat is retarded.

Again, about Java, the issue wasn’t in my skill or capability; it was in the exam side, what the examiners wanted. I didn’t want to waste my time spending hours and hours working and compiling something that would get me half marks, and that’s what I was told would happen if I went with my ideas.

I had to throw a shot in the dark. I had to randomly guess. I had to pinpoint out of thin air something that would get me marks. Ultimately, I didn’t, and I had to force myself to think of how I could adapt my shitty idea to include what the examiners wanted.

It was constant worrying what they would want and a constant fear of spending time on something that would get no marks. There were times when I spent ages on something in other subjects and got no or almost no marks, because it didn’t address something the examiners wanted. That happened a lot in Business and Sociology mocks, despite my knowledgeable and well worded answer. I once brought up Thomas Sankara’s Burkina Faso (early on) and got nothing for it.

The truth is, I don’t know why I got A*s. I know a huge part of it was due to the privileges I had. I had very nice 1-to-1 examiners, tutors at home. My mother had connections to all the staff. I guess, yes, I’d always been naturally advanced in French and Spanish; doesn’t mean it didn’t take a huge load of practice and revision, which I did. Another huge reason is the converse, the detrimental aspects of college.

Actually, that reminds me: I did have tutors for science, for physics, at least, that I can remember, and I can only assume that I decided not to continue science at home. I vaguely remember that it was something to do with how poorly I was doing in it. Fuck it. I’m not going to talk anymore about that, because I can’t remember.

I “exerted” myself with Wikipedia because there was no fucking around: everything was plain information, exactly what I wanted to see. I exerted myself and failed with academia for the aforementioned reasons, that I was being fucked with, that it was a constant guessing game of seeing what I was doing wrong without being told exactly.

Every new mock, I was getting a small thing I did wrong that was entirely unforeseen but impacted my grade. Every time I corrected it, a new one would crop up, and one time, I had the same thing twice, even though I corrected it, which is unexplainable and must be down to teacher decision. Whether it be the exam board’s fault or my own limitation or anything else, that’s what it must’ve been.

No amount of my Wikipedia knowledge was ever useful in academia, because it wasn’t a test of my knowledge; it was a test of working around and weaving around a funnily worded set of criteria talking a whole load about not much at all and trying to incorporate and not incorporate whatever was wanted.

The factual ability was there; I definitely knew I had the knowledge and understood much of what I was taught, but it didn’t matter in the end. It was my applying of it which was the issue. That’s what led to my failure. It was the answering the questions from the exam board. That’s where I failed, in the answering.’

At age 19, my friend sent the following conversation with a former friend. The former friend had stated:

‘Ugh, I’m in the autistic study room, and [someone] has just come in. He stinks.’ My friend replied, ‘Yes, well you can’t complain. You chose to go there.’ The former friend replied, ‘Excuse me? I went in before.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes, exactly. You wouldn’t have that in your room.’ The former friend replied, ‘No. I have stale washing up, because the hot water doesn’t work. I went in before.’

My friend replied, ‘I don’t accept that you’re distracted in your room. I am actually more focused in my room than in any public place.‘ The former friend replied, ‘There are things I cannot do in public, so yes, I am less distracted. Also, I can complain, because I came in when it was deserted, before this smelly cunt came in, and if you disagree with that, then fuck off.’

My friend replied, ‘I disagree with you working in a public place, exposing yourself to the illnesses of others and using computers that should be far less functional than your own.

I couldn’t possibly use a public computer out of choice, because it doesn’t have any of the customisations and tools and mods that I use.’ The former friend replied, ‘Speed is unaffected, as I’m not being RAM-intensive or requiring computational power. I only need a PDF open.’

My friend then asked me, ‘What do you make of those 2 conversations?’

I replied, ‘Yes, never understood working around others, in whatever form. When I imagine going to a library to “study”, I’m dumbfounded. Who on earth would do that? Just stay at home, for god’s sake.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes. I get so angry at that. Why the fuck would you go to a place to be around more people, hence more distractions and more chance of getting an illness, and not only that, less functionality, because you don’t have your own computer?’

I replied, ‘Yes. You have everything you need at home in the way you like it.’ My friend replied, ‘That’s why something is wrong there. Something is wrong with what [he] is doing.’

I replied, ‘”Study rooms”: that concept is bullshit. They had those in [college].’ My friend replied, ‘I am in my room constantly. I would never go out to a public place to work. Where is the logic in that? I only work on that public computer when I’m forced to, when it’s a lesson to which attendance is recorded.’

I replied, ‘Yes, using computers with all the sticky grease of a thousand other people. That’s one thing that almost prevented me using the [college] computers in computing, but I had to plough through it, because I was forced to, so I resorted to using tissues for the mouse and keyboard.’

My friend replied, ‘There are so many disadvantages and no advantages.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘It still blows my mind how you managed to enjoy a subject you did at secondary school and take it further without interruption, many subjects, in fact. It will forever perplex me how anyone could.

I feel like I started at square one in Jan 2015. Everything I “studied” in school became irrelevant, and the few things I was studying in parallel to school weren’t even subjects at school remotely, like aviation. I gained a huge knowledgebase in aviation from ages 13 to 15, which was then immediately succeeded by the politics.

School was just a nothing to me, waste of fucking time, complete drain of my attention and resources for no reason. It’s not even that; it kept me dumbed down as to what was actually achievable and possible.

I never knew I could spree-read history on Wikipedia until I left school. It hogged my attention pointlessly. I will never understand anyone who could enjoy secondary school. It’s the biggest hole in my life ever, the biggest wound. Anyone enjoying that part of their life is just alien to me.

What I wish is that I never even went to secondary school, just skipped it completely. It did me no good and a lot of harm. I would be extremely better off if it weren’t for it. The only thing that could’ve made me far less intelligent is not having access to a computer. As long as I had access to an Internet-connected computer or phone somewhere, I would’ve pursued research.

But for me, I would’ve been 1,000s of times better off never going to secondary school. Had I not met you, I would’ve ended up with some [other autistic] friend for sure. Wouldn’t have been as good, obviously, but that’s only one slice of the whole picture. I hung around with 3 friends who all liked computers and were essentially all autistic.

There’s one big point you should take away there: the mere fact that I’m questioning the entire section of history in which I met you shows just how bad it actually was for me, for it to almost override the benefit of meeting you. Obviously, I wish both you and I had not gone to school and met at some centre or other way. That would be the most pioneering, best route ever, but I can’t ignore all the shit secondary school caused me. It’s had lasting, lifelong effects.

My research revolution was entirely my own doing. It was so overwhelming that I had to share it with you, and hence you had one too, but mine proved that there was a huge suppression going on during secondary school that was released when I left.

It would’ve happened earlier or been more colourful if I had not gone. It was simply a pent up pressure of drive that had not been allowed to be pursued while at school, was being actively suppressed by how horrible an experience they were making History for example.

My secondary-school experience is also exactly why I started my research with politics and why it began a trail through history, ethnology, linguistics and biology. I had to start with politics, because I had to start with rebellion and ideology, and naturally, study of politics would lead to study of history.

I could never have started with computing. That doesn’t come from the mindset I was in when I left school, or any school subject or maths. I essentially dropped them all in my mind and started from scratch. “School” began in 2015, though it’s an insult to even call it school. It was far greater than school could ever be.

You know what’s funny? In my research rounds, I encounter specific users who do a lot of work in only one specific area, and it really makes me wonder how they ended up devoting their entire potential to just one topic.

Their user profiles are just them extolling that one particular topic, meanwhile I became one of the biggest African linguistics editors, one of the biggest medical genetics editors and now one of the biggest clam biology editors. I don’t give a fuck lol.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes, well it’s the same on Stack Overflow. I encounter the same regulars in each area and have had discussions with all of them, as I burst onto the scene in their areas.’

I replied, ‘Yes, but it makes you wonder why they can’t do other things, why they don’t have an elaborate selection of topics of achievements.’ My friend replied, ‘I burst on the scene as someone who knows a mass of archaic words and was correcting entries.’

I replied, ‘Yes, but you still were introduced to them and did them because they were school subjects, German, for example. You chose German for secondary school then did it outside secondary school.

For me, it was totally different. I started from scratch totally. I used practically no knowledge that I gained in secondary school when starting on politics. There was no knowledge, basically, none in comparison to what came after, anyway. I could not choose a subject I’d done in secondary school to start with. I got good grades in French and Spanish and had intermediate fluency. I haven’t studied them since. Instead, I went straight to Russian lol.

Yes, but there you go; you don’t have all the experiences I did, all the shit that tainted all of that. It was that bad. That’s what you have to understand. It was that bad for me. In these situations, all that can be pulled out are little conclusions, like the fact that I am simply not built for secondary school + educational environments, like that girl who got an A in Business A-level, A*, maybe it was. It shows something is flagrantly, flagrantly wrong. Something is very, very wrong for that to be possible.’

My friend replied, ‘But it wasn’t a real subject.’ I replied, ‘It doesn’t matter. That adds to my case. She wouldn’t have done it in computing or maths; it means how on earth did she negotiate the poetic criteria to pull off that?’

My friend replied, ‘Those had legitimate papers and mark schemes.’ I replied, ‘Yes; that adds to my point. If I was less able to understand and succeed at that, she should’ve been, but instead, the polar opposite happens. It means there’s something mysterious at the core of it.’

I continued, ‘And that brings us back to how I was in essentially no place to study those subjects at that time. It was a very unfortunate situation in which I discovered that I cannot negotiate humanities-based further education criteria and in which I was in no position to also negotiate the technical subjects, because of my entire past and current experience. I was not compatible with educational environments. That is the conclusion we can deduce from that.’

My friend replied, ‘Computing is a subject you can master, German as well. You can master them totally separate to any course, and when you do any exam paper for any course, you’ll get a high mark. It’s one of those subjects that doesn’t require any per-syllabus, specific format.’

I replied, ‘It would’ve been, had my experience not happened. I was getting close to pursuing [computing] in year 6. IT was my favourite topic in 2009 and 2010. I would’ve pursued it if my experience had not happened.

That’s why I say again, I would’ve been better off without secondary school, but now, I’ve been set on a trail in which the next most achievable thing is never computing or maths or whatever have you. It’s whatever naturally leads on from what I’m currently studying, because I’ve been set on this path by my experience in secondary school. I gain more from what I study now than any other potential far-off subject to study.

Yes, it’s a hole in my understanding I might never patch up [though I have now]. It would take a lot of investigating to fill that hole. The thing is, that’s what I was doing in college, but my grades were all over the place, as was my feedback. I would get A one day then D the next, and the feedback would be counterintuitive. I’d address one feedback one time only to be presented with a brand new one next time.

It was a constant patching of holes, and it was as if they were finding a new thing every time to pick on, but it still didn’t lead me to get Ds in most mocks. I was still getting Bs and As. So then the final exams happen, and I get E and D. It doesn’t make sense. I really thought I had both in the bag, because I knew I had A and B mocks, and I just wrote exactly as I did then but even better.

There’s no point talking about it. I’ll never understand without a thorough retrospective investigation that life is not giving me enough time for and probably never will [but has now]. It’s impossible anyway; they made it and will continue to make it obscenely difficult to get any kind of assessment as to what you did wrong on a final exam.

But the thing that really put the nail in the coffin of my perception of academia was what I learnt after school and how it compared to the wildly hollow and cherry-picked subject matter in college. What I knew just shat on whatever it was they were teaching.

It was like they were performing mantras, not teaching; it was repeating sentence after sentence of pointless information, because it was what you had to remember for an exam and spurt out in the essay format they were asking. Meanwhile, I had a wealth of worldly knowledge behind every nook and cranny about politics.

Again, I just don’t know about that area of our history. I don’t know enough about the problem to know whether it was your neurology that let you win or whether it was your experience and teaching environment or the specific subjects you were doing or just pure luck.

It would make no sense why your neurology would give you the same academic success as a random girl, especially over mine. It means there’s an experience component to it, probably the main one. It would have to have been some experience-related cause.

That’s why I conclude that I’m just not compatible with school environments, because I know I can learn. I have the mental faculty, but it doesn’t work when it’s with what goes on in school. These are the small verdicts I’ve been left to come up with.

You could then argue the nail was also what I saw of universities, from your experience and online. That was another nail then, if you like.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘I don’t understand how people just waltz into university or jobs without knowing anything about what they’re doing. I find it stupid how there’s hardly any information about the nature of jobs or the benefits of university online.

It’s just this expected thing people waltz into without any surrounding information: “When you grow up, do you want to go to university?” I don’t know if it’s because people think it’s normal or right to not have information about these things.

Every time I’ve been told to “just try” something, I’ve been proven right; my fears were proven right. There are massive implications surrounding [university], like the debt and whatnot, the social situations. It’s not something you just waltz into.

And what blows my mind is you hear students talking about what they’re doing in university as if they absolutely know exactly why they’re there and how it’s going to benefit them. I can’t believe it. I don’t know how they know, at 18 or whatever. It’s as if they know their entire life path and are willing to invest all that.

Every time I go through these experiences, I realise there was a tonne of information I should’ve been given beforehand that I know I could have been reasonably given, information that felt like it was being withheld from me unreasonably.

I should’ve known the nature of jobs by the time I was doing my exams. They shouldn’t have been forcing me into work experience without me knowing the nature of it, or even the reason for it, and you see the stupidity that emanates from university and wonder why people would commit themselves to that. What on earth are they seeing out of it?

And every time I asked and was sat down to talk about it, I heard nonsense. I heard fluffy, fuzzy words and concepts with no practical meaning whatsoever. There are some people or situations where I have to ask question after question after question, because they just won’t address the obvious, and they make me do the work of telling them, and then they react weirdly, like it’s weird that I’m trying to ascertain this information, which will ultimately help me.

Time after time, I get put through an experience that makes me think, “I’d never put my own children through this.”‘

At age 20, I stated:

‘I was looking up [why people should go to university] in the context of the benefits or reasons of going to university, and I came out of that research pleasantly reassured about how little bearing it actually had and how it really was just this thing people are forced into without being allowed to think about it.

It’s always, “So are you going to university?” “Are you thinking about university?”; then I remembered my dad, who didn’t go to university but got a high-paying job at a multinational defence firm. University is a bunch of bullshit; case closed, really.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I can’t be arsed to waste 3 years of my life studying for a course and in reality learning nothing. I just can’t. I’d rather sit there and learn 300x more in that time, actual fundamental things that are fundamental to computer science.

61% on 20% of the module; don’t care. Pointless, arbitrary university marking. I don’t waste my time on it. Real knowledge is what matters, like WiFi networks, for instance, ISP networks, that knowledge, one that everyone on the course lacks.

I’ve learnt so fucking much computing this year, 100x more than anyone on the course. I wouldn’t trade it for a first, ever.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘University life is an incredibly confusing thing to an outsider.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘I wasn’t taught the stuff I obsessed about, just wasn’t. I would beg for the day it would show up in lesson, but it never did or very rarely did, as light mentions.

I still remember in Year 7 science [at age 11] when I was the only one who knew what caused the seasons. The teacher cycled through several students before arriving at me to explain.’

At age 20, I stated:

‘It’s about her results, yes; A* in A-level Maths is what I overheard.’ My friend replied, ‘Absurd.’ I replied, ‘Yes, I know, when you’d destroy her in maths. … I’m done with educational institutions, totally done with them.’

My friend replied, ‘Sociology and psychology are bullshit subjects, wouldn’t be able to take them. I wouldn’t have been able to put up with the concepts taught in those classes, because they were totally irrelevant to current Western society and the current issues with the people in it.’

I replied, ‘It was the least of the problems. I won’t even go into it again. I hate talking about education, hate it. I hate making any reference to academic grades, at all, or hearing it from other people.

Student university life is the antithesis of knowledge and learning. The only people doing real research at university are the older adults represented in the journals.’

At age 20, I stated, ‘I still don’t know why people aspire to go to university, especially at that young age, how they can be so certain what they’ll get out of it.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I don’t know whether [your mum is] trying to make you feel bad [about your grades], but it just makes me feel better. Makes me laugh even more, about what I stand for.’ I replied, ‘It has long since been past the point of being funny in the moment. It’s only funny in chat. It’s tiresome in the moment. I want it to go away.’

My friend replied, ‘Also, I don’t really see what her point is.’ I replied, ‘Yes; she’s looking at it in a context of social relations and social contacts, how much she can get those.’ My friend replied, ‘I’m doing pioneering research and helping others with uploading it to my website.’ I replied, ‘Yes, same with me.’

I continued, ‘Yes, it’s all about social status. Even going to university is all about social status. It’s about how society perceives how intelligent you are, how employers see how intelligent you are, not how intelligent you actually are.’

At age 19, my friend stated:

‘Ask her about general relativity, ask her about Maxwell’s equations. It’s no reflection. She’s just regurgitated exam material, whatever the syllabus wanted them to regurgitate, and not because it’s relevant knowledge that is relevant to other knowledge.’

I replied, ‘In fact, school exams enable copying. They enable that copying mindset that she perfectly matches. They enable and encourage repetition and regurgitation and mindless absorption of pointless factoids, rather than actual critical thinking or vast knowledge. It’s no wonder; it perfectly complies with their mindsets.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘It’s funny how when someone reveals they’re from Cambridge to the regular person, their respect would increase, but with me, it decreases, or, at least, it is strongly ready to decrease based on the countless items of evidence I’ve been bombarded with.’

I replied, ‘Yes. I see people putting their university public as an achievement constantly, even grown adults.’ My friend replied, ‘It’s only a social achievement.’

At age 20, my friend stated in a voice message:

‘The funny thing is, in the face of me being basically about to fail university and get 0, I feel good, whereas that boy that jumped off that building [at my friend’s university]: his situation was probably a thousand times better than mine, his grades. He probably got a 2:1 instead of a first, whereas me, I’m going to get a fail, less than a 3, but I’m in a brilliant position at the moment, really. I feel good at the moment.

I probably feel the best compared to anyone else who’s got a 2:1 instead of a first. They’re probably feeling worse than what I am now, when I’m facing a fail, basically, and it’s because my research is going well, and I’m learning a lot. I’m in the right position for a lot of things. I’m mastering a lot of things that I’ve always wanted to know and never knew, a lot of unknowns, and it feels good.

The only reason why I feel bad; the only feeling of dread that arises is because of my mum and my nan, my family or whatever, and that’s not right. Me, in my self: I feel totally fine with myself. I don’t feel like a failure or anything like that. I’m in a good position. I’ve totally accepted that I’m going to fail. It doesn’t make me feel bad whatsoever, at all.

But it’s the fact that the thought of what my mum or other family members would say and the amount of shit I’m going to get makes it bad, when it shouldn’t be a bad thing. Me failing university is not a bad thing; it’s not a bad thing to me. … I don’t even need a degree. A degree means nothing at the end of the day if I know in myself that I have that knowledge.

Imagine if I had a first, but I knew in myself that I didn’t have the knowledge; all I knew was vague, university-related stuff; all I knew was how to master those specific exams on those very specific topics and didn’t know what it was in context. Even though I’ve got a first, when I go into that job interview, in my mind, I’m going to know that I don’t have that knowledge, because I spent all that time in university revising for the exams, so I’d be sitting there, and I would feel bad.

But if I go into a job interview without a degree, but I’ve got all this knowledge, I’d feel good in myself. I’d feel righteous, because I actually have the knowledge. I know in myself that I could go and challenge them, quiz them, grill them, even though they’ve got a first, and I’ve got a fail, because I’ve got the knowledge in those areas, so in myself, I feel a lot more confident.

I’ve already established this; myself, my wellbeing, my emotions all benefit, all profit by me failing and spending that time doing my own research and getting that knowledge, but something’s not right when you’ve got HPD [histrionic-personality-disorder] family members. I won’t get a load of lecturing from my grandad; it’ll be my mum. It’ll be screaming, shouting non-stop, crying from my nan and my mum. That’s what I have to deal with.

It’s not right. It shouldn’t be like that, the fact I’m totally okay with that, when it affects me more, but they’re not going to be okay with it. What’s it got to do with them? It’s ridiculous.

I can’t phrase how ridiculous it is. It’s the fact that I have to account for other people and their emotions, even though I’m totally okay with it, and it’s fine, and it works for me. Now, it’s an issue, because it has to work for other people and their emotions as well, and I’m just sick of it. I’m sure other people at university… Well, they’re the people who want to make their family proud, so yes, they do feel those pressures.

It’s like they can’t accept that I would fail at university and be in control. It’s like they can’t accept the things I do were done for a reason. I don’t know; it’s like nobody can compute someone truly being individual, such that they have to intervene or lecture or tell someone off for doing something. It’s like your mum can’t compute you doing the things you do for a logical reason. She can only attribute it to you being totally unaware and needing someone else to guide you, to tell you what to do, this whole needing-discipline, needing-parents lark.

Everyone just assumes that what I do… I can’t even phrase it in words. I just feel this strong annoyance and indignance, and I can’t even phrase it into words. It’s like they subconsciously assume that everyone needs some guidance by someone else, some inspiration, some checking, that they can’t be trusted to make their own decisions based on logic. They would attribute me failing university to me making an error of judgement, me not having anyone there to “put me on the right path”, whereas this decision is the decision that I’ve made.

This is the right thing to do for me in this particular situation, when you’re me, with my neurology and my obsessions and how my brain works. This is what is going to happen. You can’t change that. It’s always going to go down this route. Me in this situation: I’m always going to end up not socialising with people. The desire for the knowledge is always going to be greater than just getting a grade and doing what they want me to do.

The amount of misconceptions people get by doing those exams because they don’t know the broader context: go-back-N protocol and stop-and-wait protocol – it’s the fact that that isn’t even used, at all, on any data link layer protocol that matters, like 802.11, 802.3. It’s not used at all, so it’s irrelevant. Why aren’t they telling us about the data link layer of 802.11 and the exact channel access methods used? Why is it on this theoretical algorithm that can be used, or could be used, if you wanted to implement your own data link layer?

It should be me who’s upset more than them, because it’s my life, and if I’ve accepted that, why can’t they? It’s nothing to do with them. They’re going to be dead in a couple of years. What does it matter? I’m going to be dead in a few years. In 100 years time, it’s going to mean nothing, so I don’t understand where all the emotion’s coming from.

They’re just stuck. They don’t think about death or the reality, and that’s why all these social customs have such high importance them, whereas me, I just don’t care. It doesn’t elicit any emotion from me anymore.

And when people try and enforce these rules, like you shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be doing that, I have no drive do to that, because the rules mean nothing. It means nothing at the end of the day, because we’re all going to die. It’s just so totally irrelevant to be upholding those rules and conventions, and I just don’t understand why people see it in such high esteem.

You lose all the energy when you realise that it’s just meaningless. What does it matter if someone follows it or not? Who cares? The human race is going to be extinct. Who’s going to care then that someone’s pushing a trolley on campus? No one’s going to give a fuck. It doesn’t matter. Who’s going to care then that someone failed their university degree a million years ago? It doesn’t matter.’

I replied, ‘Yes. My mum was always on my back about grades. Didn’t care. I had years of that treatment all through college. Didn’t faze me, because it wasn’t going to change my performance, no matter how good or bad I got. She would always find a reason to scream, so there’s no point even trying to please her, because you can’t. Everything you do is wrong.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘I actually find basic [questions] in computing hard to understand, because I work at such a low level that when a broad term or concept comes along, I have a hard time working out what it is referring to, because the audience is generally for people who don’t know what I know.

The classic one is the difference between a hybrid kernel and a monolithic kernel. It’s very surface-layer, whereas I’m looking at kernel source code, but that question is designed for people who don’t know what a kernel is, and it has just come up on a lecture slide. Another one is what an ABI [application binary interface] is, but when you sent me that Pascal .NET, I immediately knew what it was in the broader context, because I know how .NET works.

There was a question in an exam paper I struggled on, and that was, “Give 2 advantages of virtual addressing over physical addressing and 2 advantages of physical over virtual.”

It fucked my brain, because I’m well past that stage. I’ve been researching virtual and physical memory for 2 years now. It’s a very basic concept.

Both have their purposes. There’s a reason why you need virtual addresses, and there’s a reason why you need physical addresses. Both have their place on modern OSs and CPUs. Both have their place and use case. Both have their role in the memory translation process, which I know inside out.

But when it came to a stupid dichotomy question like that, where there is no dichotomy, I couldn’t answer, because it’s not something that has an advantage or a disadvantage. It’s how it is. It was just a concept, an invention that made addressing work in a new, more efficient and easier-to-handle way.

I can’t tell you advantages and disadvantages. I can only tell you exactly how they work, how they are implemented on real-world CPUs and every possible problem scenario that can arise and every possible condition in the system.

But never waste your time wondering what the difference between a hybrid and a monolithic kernel is. Also, Windows is monolithic, as far as I’m concerned. The graphics API used to run in user mode; over the years, Windows has become monolithic, but NT 3.1 was basically only barely hybrid.

I know Windows kernel in great detail, and I couldn’t work out why they were referring to it as a hybrid kernel, because it’s such an irrelevant detail. Nobody gives a fuck about that classification. Just learn the source code. Learn how the kernel works.

I can only tell you how the kernel works, not the academic, surface-layer classifications for it, because it is irrelevant, and the classifications are vague.

I don’t know whether you get that with what you research.’ I replied, ‘Only ever been in academia, only ever in school and courses.‘

At age 21, I stated:

‘If Chinese gene-editing experiments advance and become commonplace, I’ll learn Chinese and become friendly with them and propose experiments to do. Just kidding, but that’s not a far off possibility, in fact. I can easily become known in the circles. Often, all it takes is a simple contact, like [I did] with [a researcher of African linguistics] or whoever else it is, like you did with the Telegram developers.

I know so much about journal articles now that I’m starting to learn how I could theoretically get one of my own published. Given the articles I’ve made on these rare diseases with these hyperenthusiastic journal-article-writers who define them, I could easily mingle with them.

I’ve encountered Wikipedia editors who’ve been co-authors of one-off scientific articles. One of them has no medical qualifications, that Ozzie man; top medical editor yet has no qualifications, yet he wrote part of a scientific article on the 2014 Ebola epidemic.’

My friend replied, ‘The people who are asking for courses: it’s a ridiculous mindset. That’s all they know.‘ I replied, ‘Yes. The employment specialists [who I had been referred to at the time] brought up “courses”; “You can do a course”, as if it was something I was pondering or considering doing.’

My friend then quoted a Discord message by someone stating, ‘Does anyone know of good blockchain courses by colleges online?’ My friend stated, ‘And then there’s me, who taught myself everything about blockchain in a few days. Social mindset.‘

I replied, ‘Yes, it is [the social mindset]. Yes, the Skillshare users, Brilliant users. Never heard such a load of cack in my life. Way to baby and dumb it down beyond all belief, everything catered and hand-selected, no exploration whatsoever, completely information-starved.

I reach the edge of the Internet all the time in my studies. I reach corners where the last bit of present or historical information is available.’

My friend replied, ‘They’ve been brainwashed into thinking they need a course for anything academia-related.’ I replied, ‘Brainwashing lol. It’s more like the washing is self-service, constantly going on.’

At age 20, my friend stated:

‘A psychologist on TV mentioned that they “took a course“. Fuck’s sake. Imagine relying on others to tell you this stuff rather than it hitting you in the face.

That’s the thing: if they aren’t natural psychologists, they shouldn’t bother. Either you see what people are, or you don’t.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘I hate this, and I hate those stupid hats, stupid university culture. They’re forcing it at every corner, the notions of university culture and prestige.’

My friend replied, ‘Yes, fucking hate those hats. I will never be seen wearing one of those. I’m fighting back by displaying ridiculous knowledge despite not attending.’

I replied, ‘Exactly, same. Don’t need any of these stupid Internet “courses”; no Brilliant, no Skillshare.’

At age 21, my friend stated:

‘I’m still sick of what people who do computer science do. It makes the course unbearable for me. Anything in the course gets associated with them and the culture, and it really puts me off. It turns me against the subject material.

I can’t describe it, but I’m encouraged to see it as pointless. I get a negative attitude towards it that wouldn’t have happened if I saw it online and researched it.’ I replied, ‘Exactly. You feel what I felt, exactly.’

My friend continued, ‘Actually, there was a time a few years ago that I heard about kernels, but I had only heard it from these computer science people in a classroom setting, and I didn’t know what it was. I remember it, and because I heard it from them, I never cared to look it up. At that time, I was doing German research, anyway.

But 2 years later, as soon as I see it in my own research, I immediately master Windows kernel to a level of knowledge much greater than them.’ I replied, ‘That’s exactly how my knowledge went, exactly.’

At age 21, my friend stated:

‘The funny thing is, I can’t even ask someone. I can’t ask [a person my friend knows with computing knowledge]. I can’t ask professors, because they don’t know the answers to some of the questions I have.

No course in the world is going to answer what I need to know.’ I replied, ‘Exactly, but they’ll paradoxically think what you need to know is less important than the course.’

My friend later stated, ‘I remember speaking to a student at [university] who thought x86 means 32-bit; so did my brother. x86 is an architecture used by your computer and my computer right now. What a fundamental misconception, exactly why the course is bullshit. That is fundamental absolutely crucial information.

They do not have my knowledge. Nobody on that course does. They couldn’t comprehend the fundamentals I’ve taught myself in the last 2 years. It’s a ridiculous amount more than any course could have done.

I don’t know how the course can even have the audacity to exist, really, when it’s not teaching those fundamentals first.’ I replied, ‘Exactly.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘Let’s be real: in what world would that coursework have ever meant anything? I’m glad I bunked it, because it’s turned out that no qualifications of mine were ever going to mean anything. I was never going to use them in any meaningful capacity, never going to be able to, never going to pursue that life, that university life, that career life.

You’re almost going to spark in me interest into going back and seeing what [the computing coursework] was. I just remembered this moment that what I “chose” to do was a maze game, but that wasn’t the initial prompt or set of prompts, so I want to see if I could’ve fulfilled them another way.

Even then, I could make a maze game in an HTML page right now if I wanted to. Would be a massive waste of time, but still. I mean, I’d feel like I were wasting my time even if I did it for the coursework. Indeed, I did feel like I was wasting my time ever attempting any of it.

I can’t remember what happened in the out-of-class lessons I had arranged, literally none of the content. I didn’t learn anything. This is the thing; it’s because it wasn’t a deal of not knowing how to do something – it was not [appropriating] what they wanted me to do. It was that all along. I was stuck at that hurdle before even knowing how to do something.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘My old axioms are getting proven true again. No wonder I couldn’t learn programming languages. I absolutely have to learn from a top-down, as-it-is-relevant approach, every single time.

It’s exactly what they say about spoken-language-learning too: they say, do not learn grammar tables; gain exposure, and learn as it applies to your situation. In my situation, that would’ve been speaking to Russian people online. That is how I learnt what I know.

I’ve never ever learnt so much about programming except when adopting this approach, because fundamentally, you can’t just learn to program – you have to learn how to program as it pertains to a goal, otherwise it’s absolutely and utterly useless and aimless, and you don’t know what functions to use.

The goal has to be number one. You have to have a very, very specific goal, a problem to solve, and utilise all the APIs you need as it pertains to that one goal. Only then will you actually learn how to call the right API or whatever it is you need, because it serves as the drive, just as everything in my entire life had to serve as a driving force for me to learn a specific thing.

I’ve never learnt as fast not having a goal. Once again, computing lessons provided me 0, absolutely 0, of what I’m learning now. I had no idea what a while loop was by the end of them. It was that bad. I can’t remember anything I learnt for education. I can’t even remember if I remember anything I learnt for education. It’s all a blur, and it’s all overwritten.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘One reason programming is a lot like school is because of the predefined and prescribed ways of doing things, like using all these fucking UI libraries, but it extends to all of it.

Often, the only way to get things done is to forget about all the ways you think you should be doing it and just find a way to do it. Having to learn and conform to a bunch of rules other people have imposed is horrible. Like learning a language, you just want to do it your own way.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘It’s all glaring now, our entire chat history where social-mindset features showed up; you were going on about the drive and willpower to complete that coursework, but in reality, there shouldn’t have been any drive, because it was a social-mindset cause, a social-mindset goal, a people-pleasing and societal-career goal.

I framed [my failure with grades] in terms of outside, external factors, because I was wrongly assuming that the social mindset was the default position, as someone with the social mindset would. I was brainwashed to believe that and frame my ways as that.

The reality is that my current position is the default position [of animals], and what I had then strayed from that. Any drive to complete anything in an education-system context for a goal that was related to society was a departure from the default position of animals.

So obviously, now, you know that your greater social mindset is the explanation for your continuation of school subjects [in your own time] and my rejection of them [and initiation of different subjects in my own time].

Everything we ever attributed to experience or influence or culture or PD [personality disorder] was the social mindset or, at least, required the social mindset, as in, differing levels in the social mindset were always part of the difference between us. It was never just about PD or not PD, influence or not influence; differences in the social mindset had a necessary role.

If that’s how it looked to you [that I was “resigned” and didn’t have a drive to do well with grades], then that’s what it was. The lack of the social mindset is the reason I did badly in my grades. There’s not much else to it. It’s that simple.

And thus, vice versa, your greater social mindset is the reason you did better in your grades, and you referenced [a former friend] and “other autists” [and their ability to attain grades as an argument against me]; they have greater social mindsets.

Actually, that’s reminded me of a funny thing, the more often times you’d reference [the former friend] as having an agreeing view with you to me, as a tool. That’s a social-mindset feature too, because it’s what our mums use against us. It’s the attempted guilt-tripping, which is extensively described on my site.

So yes, I couldn’t give a shit how badly I did, and it’s that simple. I gave up because it was a social-mindset cause. I just didn’t realise it at the time, because I was brainwashed into thinking I “needed” it, just like I was brainwashed into thinking I “needed” a job, right up until very recently, or that I was cut out for it in any way; brainwashed into thinking I needed university or that it would benefit me to go there; all this gunk, whole bunch of nonsense, all going on the site to make the point crystal clear that this is why we avoid these things – because they are social-mindset features not present in other animals. End of, case closed.’

At age 21, I stated:

‘”Extra-curricular”: disgusting term I always hated. It’s one of those terms that shouldn’t exist, exists because something is wrong, one of those terms where the fact it exists proves something is wrong.

It’s one of those terms where its existence is a reflection of a wildly different relativity going on, where the relativity is what’s led to the term coming about.

They use it to refer to that which is relative to the curriculum, that which is not the curriculum. I don’t need to. I refer to the curriculum as the curriculum, and what is not the curriculum, I just leave it without qualifiers.

It means the curriculum has formed that much of a part of their lives that they need to explicitly state when something is not the curriculum. What an abomination.

It’s just like “social distancing”: everyday life for me but an explicit qualifier for them. There’s a vice-versa effect too: I’d probably mention the idea of leaving the house a lot more than them or it be a bigger part of my conversation, whilst it wouldn’t come up to them. Same with other things like alcohol or pets: it comes up and stings to me but is a nothing to them.

So it is like the alcohol euphemism [where drinking alcohol is referred to as just “drinking”], yes, so they’re euphemising their creation like they do with alcohol, where regular germ-avoidance procedures get called “quarantine” like not drinking alcohol gets called “sober”. Nightmare world.‘

My friend replied, ‘”Teetotal” pisses me off more, stupid fucking word.’ I replied, ‘Yes, or abstinence, temperance, all words that shouldn’t exist to refer to that [as it is the case in other animals].’ My friend continued, ‘It’s like the words had deliberate assonance to annoy me even more, maximum phonetical annoyance.’

At age 21, in response to a YouTube video on ‘MIT’s 102nd Nobel Prize‘, my friend stated, ‘Means nothing to me. It’s like saying, “Made-up institution earns made-up reward.” Well, that’s indeed what it is saying. They write the rules; they create the rules.’

References

1. ^ "Britishness § Government perspective". Wikipedia. 2020-10-25.
2. ^ Curtis, Joseph (2019-05-16). "Furious parents slam Bristol University over death of daughter". Mail Online. (Archive version from 11 October 2020.)
3. ^ "Learning styles". Wikipedia. 2020-09-18.

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